“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt must see that the more he does physically the more physically agile he will become. His physical reassurance is necessary—that is, he needs to be reassured that physically he can improve, and perform.

When you showed impatience with his progress it was sometimes a natural impatience, and sometimes Nebene’s dissatisfaction with a student who should, with those abilities, do better. Ruburt would indeed perceive withering looks on such occasions. Neither of you properly understood your own reactions. But Ruburt would immediately panic.

After all, you did (underlined) disapprove. You were not pleased with his performance, he was not living up to your expectations. He equated then a normal physical performance, from the standpoint of his condition, as an impossible perfect performance, while feeling that nothing short of perfection would please you.

I am bringing this out so that you understand, both of you. You would insist he overreacted, that no one should be that suggestible. He would think of the abject label again, have no use for himself, and think the whole thing useless. If at the same time you seemed overly critical—to him, now—of a manuscript, say, or his missing sessions, then it seemed approval was denied him from the one person whose integrity he trusted.

In his own way of course he is also a perfectionist, and felt himself falling far short. Do not stress so much that he must go out, as much as things you go out for, to your bars, shopping or whatever.

Both of you had to acquiesce to some extent in the situation. He did not choose for example a way of action, even physically, that would go against your style of life or ideas, but cleverly wove these into ideas you both initially deeply believed in. when you were working particularly at Artistic, you could not say he was out gadding around and not using his abilities. There he was in his chair. He could not leave it.

Now give us a moment.... The insights he received yesterday were quite legitimate, and show why he went along so readily with your projections. Earlier his own spontaneous nature, his desire for social intercourse, his simple love of fun, were strong enough to overcome the inner feelings that made him shy away from people. When these were undermined the inferiorities arose and he began to avoid people.

Lighting his own cigarette in public was the one wild gesture of independence he allowed himself because you made such a point of lighting it for him. He was saying “In big things where I need help you often refuse to help, and your help is a gesture as when you light my cigarette, when I can do that myself.” So if Nebene is a stickler for details and carries grudges, so did our friend.

The whole thing boils down to the fact that he thought and felt you would not help him, but demand that he use his own abilities and help himself independently of you. You held his arm once as he crossed a busy street, in, I believe, Cobbleskill, and he never forgot it. At other times you would say “Be careful,” impatiently, “Watch where you are going. Don’t you see that car,” when he simply could not turn that quickly, and was terrified. There were other occasions when you held his arm and helped him and he remembers each one.

His idea was to chart his course, hope he could reach the other side of the street, and that the cars could see him.

Now. Some of these extreme reactions on Ruburt’s part were brought about by his psychic understanding of Nebene, so he could not adequately communicate with you. If you reacted as Nebene you would later rationalize the results to him—while he would know in that (underlined) instance he was not projecting so he could not trust his reactions toward you.

Your explanation of a Nebene reaction would be so reasonable, later. You could not understand his insistence that you gave him a withering (underlined) look, but he felt it with the vehemence behind it. Against that he became vehement himself, stubborn, and determined to fight in you a quality that on the other hand he did not honestly think you possessed.