“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Telling him that you are suddenly mad enough or angry enough to insist upon changes is obviously not the approach. He thought you were angry enough to begin with. Physical improvement, now, in that context (underlined), meant something else you were demanding, but did not expect.

I am bringing this out so that you understand, both of you. You would insist he overreacted, that no one should be that suggestible. He would think of the abject label again, have no use for himself, and think the whole thing useless. If at the same time you seemed overly critical—to him, now—of a manuscript, say, or his missing sessions, then it seemed approval was denied him from the one person whose integrity he trusted.

Now give us a moment.... The insights he received yesterday were quite legitimate, and show why he went along so readily with your projections. Earlier his own spontaneous nature, his desire for social intercourse, his simple love of fun, were strong enough to overcome the inner feelings that made him shy away from people. When these were undermined the inferiorities arose and he began to avoid people.

In the main he felt that you would have even less use for him, that you valued individual independence, and the pride of making it alone too much.

The car lost, was lost—no coincidence any more than your behavior during the flood. You know you chose the situation. It is important that a new car be purchased as soon as possible. He felt that the last one was purchased by you in order to reach your parents, begrudgingly, that you would not have purchased a “new one” for him for example.

This has its roots with the Lincoln—you follow me—and later when you did not offer to pick him up at nursery school, and told him in the same situation you would have too much pride to accept a ride.

I am mentioning these. Some are details. They are important. If you or Nebene ever thought that objective details were important then see how important Ruburt thinks subjective ones area. You lit cigarettes for him, particularly when you were in public, but you did not open the car door unless he asked you, or reminded you when that hurt or humiliated him.

Lighting his own cigarette in public was the one wild gesture of independence he allowed himself because you made such a point of lighting it for him. He was saying “In big things where I need help you often refuse to help, and your help is a gesture as when you light my cigarette, when I can do that myself.” So if Nebene is a stickler for details and carries grudges, so did our friend.

The whole thing boils down to the fact that he thought and felt you would not help him, but demand that he use his own abilities and help himself independently of you. You held his arm once as he crossed a busy street, in, I believe, Cobbleskill, and he never forgot it. At other times you would say “Be careful,” impatiently, “Watch where you are going. Don’t you see that car,” when he simply could not turn that quickly, and was terrified. There were other occasions when you held his arm and helped him and he remembers each one.

His idea was to chart his course, hope he could reach the other side of the street, and that the cars could see him.

He is deeply ashamed to have you see him go down stairs, because he fears your disapproval. He is afraid you will see him as he is, then, and wash your hands of such imperfection. For you to offer to help him would be of great benefit on the stairs when no one is around.

He is afraid to, but if you saw the worst, as he thinks of it, and accepted him as he is, then help him, he can be pleased to show you any improvement. The improvement will follow if my suggestions are followed, and if both of you understand the reasons as given.

Now. Some of these extreme reactions on Ruburt’s part were brought about by his psychic understanding of Nebene, so he could not adequately communicate with you. If you reacted as Nebene you would later rationalize the results to him—while he would know in that (underlined) instance he was not projecting so he could not trust his reactions toward you.

Your explanation of a Nebene reaction would be so reasonable, later. You could not understand his insistence that you gave him a withering (underlined) look, but he felt it with the vehemence behind it. Against that he became vehement himself, stubborn, and determined to fight in you a quality that on the other hand he did not honestly think you possessed.

This put him on guard so that he would then often misinterpret ordinary remarks that you made. Had the two of you not let your own communication lag, such misunderstandings would not have occurred.