“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Late yesterday afternoon my pendulum told me that Jane’s symptoms stemmed from her feeling that she had failed to become a successful “straight” writer—a novelist, poet, essayist, et al.; that she felt she had failed as the serious writer she had always dreamed of becoming, that the psychic work represented a turning down a wrong path; that actually, basically, the psychic work represented failure to her rather than success. I was very excited by these ideas, more excited than I had been in a long time. I intuitively felt them to be true. I discussed them for some little while with her before we went out to a New Year’s Eve party at McClure’s. Jane seemed to agree with the ideas.

(At a quick scan I thought the ideas answered all the questions we’d had about the symptoms over the years—explaining, for instance, their onset before the psychic developments, etc. They seemed to offer a unified theory to cover the years of our marriage, and even Jane’s childhood. I saw at once that if valid they also meant Jane must shelve her projected book, Adventures in Consciousness, and concentrate on things like Rich Bed, the Dialogues (poetry), and, perhaps, let Seth do his own thing in sessions. If this included writing books, okay. But crisis time was here, and something had to be done. I was somewhat puzzled that I hadn’t asked my pendulum this specific set of questions before—or had I? If I had, perhaps I hadn’t understood the answers, I thought; because certainly no action had been taken because of them, along the lines now contemplated....

For some time Ruburt felt he was a failure, as a wife and as a writer. He did not see you succeeding, either. Conditions mentioned far earlier made communication difficult, and he brooded. The mobility, the point of mobility, represented moving ahead in his work, or not moving ahead. The apartment became a symbol. It was quite all right for the aspiring writer. If however he could not achieve the kind of success he wanted, then he might as well have the trappings.

(I was quite surprised the other day when Jane told me that our two apartments were okay to her if she was a writer, but not all right for a psychic—especially one who was becoming well known and was visited by all kinds of people, etc. She also told me that to her the idea of stairs represented success and failure—up and down, etc.)

He is quite correct in saying (today) he denied to some extent an important aspect (of himself). The problem was in consciously hiding the conflicts from himself, and in deciding upon a status quo. Status quos can never be maintained to begin with. Some of this should be clear, and is, I know, but we will put it together, and I will clear some issues for you.

The ESP book was meant to be a book—one book. In the beginning he did not want to publish the material, if you recall. Not because he did not like the material, but because then, at least, he understood that for him (underlined) assembling it during his creative hours was not fulfilling his kind of creative need.

(Yes, I recall clearly urging Jane to publish the material; most regrettable now, of course. A serious error, for at that time she instinctively knew what was best for her. I want her to go back to relying upon her instincts and intuitions.)

The creativity was in the sessions. Because he felt a responsibility to the work, and because of another publication—a hardcover book—he consented to The Seth Material. The “acclaim” (in quotes) of a tour helped revive him initially, and he began ideas of a novel.

He tried to do a narrative, and use for example descriptive abilities—a valiant attempt to do two different things in one book. Before all of this, as the very first symptoms began, before the ESP book, he was already deeply frightened by the novel rejections, the Playboy rejections after they raised his hopes, the poetry book acceptance that fell through with Continental, and what he felt to be your joint deteriorating relationship.

There were also financial considerations. He had only lately freed himself from a part-time job. To refuse a psychic book that was definite, to try for another novel with no assurances, seemed foolhardy. At the same time his age bothered him. The young writer, aspiring, was no longer so young.

At the same time he began to doubt his writing abilities. Perhaps he had overjudged his talents. Following The Seth Material, requests came that showed quite clearly he was regarded as a psychic. Psychics helped people. I told him to stay away from spiritualistic groups. He has a strong sense of responsibility and loyalty. He avoided being a “psychic personality” (in quotes) in grand terms. I am digressing here to bring you another issue: the strong responsibility he always felt toward his writing ability, he naturally felt toward the psychic ability—but without the necessary sense of discrimination, since he didn’t realize what such activities involved.

He did however feel that responsibility. Conflicts arose because his responsibilities clashed. Other quite ordinary issues were involved, some fears he did not want to admit. At times he was convinced that he had made a failure of his life so far—with you and his work.

The dream book incidentally (which Eleanor Friede now has) in different form—far different—will be published. So will Adventures—and when he is in a better position to evaluate his Adventures. He did not want Dreams published. Adventures initially was a way of leading him back into “I” writing, and toward Aspects and Rich Bed.

(9:06. The session was going excellently, I told Jane. I mentioned three questions I hoped Seth would cover at least in part: Jane’s projected call to Tam at Prentice-Hall tomorrow morning, re substituting Seth’s new book for Adventures; Jane’s planned letter to Eleanor Friede about Rich Bed; and whether Jane should continue with ESP class.

Now. Last summer, or rather the one before the flood (in June 1972) improvements were obvious (in 1971). The reasons you should know. The pressure of the dream book was gone. He was not doing something he did not want to do. The move (across the hall into our second apartment) meant mobility. Your relationship began to improve to an important degree.

He was between books, just having money from Seth Speaks. There were several things you had still not learned, however, that you have now learned. The relationship would be very good, then, but some old characteristic responses of ours would occur now and then, and frighten him. He began to move toward a new contract, which meant Adventures, he felt, rather than Rich Bed.

Initially there was great enthusiasm with both, but Rich Bed was his baby and Adventures a method of learning and an initial way of releasing pent-up creative energy. It had a purpose, and has. It meant however more creative time spent in examining (underlined) the psychic experience. At the same time he hoped Tam would take Rich Bed, knowing he wouldn’t. Unconsciously Tam sensed that dilemma, as he senses this one. Seven was the answer. In the meantime your being home also meant that he was face to face with you. You could see his condition, and as given earlier he tried to hide from you at times most of all.

After Seth Speaks was duly accepted, and while he was working on Adventures and Rich Bed initially, then he improved. The creative energy splashed over psychically in some poetry and in Sumari. Following that period he began to realize that Adventures for the present had served its purpose. Again he had another psychic book, and hopes of a contract, and Tam did not want Rich Bed.

Seven was the answer, but only if Seven led where it was supposed to lead. In the meantime there was the matter of a tour, or not, for Seth Speaks, and speaking engagements. He felt that if he accepted and became known as a psychic, in those terms, his chances of becoming known as a writer were lost, and beyond recovery. He would be pigeon-holed as a psychic. It was for those reasons that his improvement deteriorated.

His own work was not focused upon as it should have been, to his way of seeing things. Now he must go ahead and take his chances. He speaks of success. What he means is the production of a work of his own in those terms that he considers art, an accomplishment whether or not it brings financial success.

He was angry that the psychic work was bringing financial success, to some extent, while wanting the money. The full development of his creative abilities however needed the psychic development. Less ability would not.

He well knew at times that Adventures was in part a ruse to content him, and assure him of a contract while I began my book, but he is afraid of taking the plunge on his own now. He was also afraid that you would be angry.

Bill Macdonnel, coming at this time of year, did remind him of the first sessions and the ESP book and the tooth incident, caused physically by the sinuses, was a message that the time was crucial, a crisis. He had to say no, now, and move ahead in his own area.

(A few notes for the record: Bill Macdonnel returned to Elmira over the holidays to visit his parents. He’s visited us a couple of times. A week or so ago Jane had a dream in which she saw Bill with his mouth full of blood. Calling Bill a couple of days later to invite him to a New Year’s eve party, Jane was told by Bill that he’d been to the dentist and had several teeth pulled the day of the call.

(Subsequently, Jane several times was seized with a strong ache in her lower right jaw. Her pendulum told her she was picking up on Bill. We haven’t heard from him since the call. Monday, January 1, 1973, we decided to go for a ride, since it was a beautiful day. Unknown to me Jane’s jaw began to bother her as she left the house.

(Discovering this on the way to Sayre, I pulled into the near empty parking lot of the shopping center on Elmira Street and gave Jane my own pendulum to use. We learned that her sinuses were involved in her jaw ache, and Bill Macdonnel, but also that she was strongly concerned about the acceptance of Rich Bed by Eleanor Friede of Macmillan. Jane’s jaw began to clear up as we drove through the countryside beyond East Athens.)

Ruburt’s condition deteriorated after the meeting with Eleanor. The situation brought into focus, you see, the entire problem. Seagull’s middle-aged lady focused it further. (Bach’s description of Jane for Time.) The middle-aged lady was mentioned as middle-aged, and as a psychic, poet and science fiction writer—a turning of the ways in that the psychic books were mentioned, but no books of poetry, which gave impetus to Dialogues.

Eleanor held out the bait of Rich Bed’s publication. Ruburt wanted to plunge into it, but was afraid to not take the money for Adventures instead—hence the same problem in new and more dangerous form.

Most of this was very conscious at various times, but your view of suburbia (when we went house hunting with a realtor the other day) helped to bring it into focus. Ruburt will use his creative ability in fiction yet, in a way that he could not have otherwise, to bring home the reality and dimension of human personality.

Each individual has within him guidelines meant to lead him in the ways best for him. You cannot compare yourselves with others. Ruburt’s own feelings therefore are those guidelines. They may be different at various times, but they can be trusted. Ruburt’s creative ability is his for a reason. It was meant to be used, as well as his psychic abilities were.

They do indeed, but transformations in them would occur. Your lack of communication was important, and aggravated the problem.

(10:35. It is Wednesday, January 3 as I finish this session. Jane has already cleared the matter with Tam—who incidentally had a vivid dream Monday night, in which in distorted form he learned that Adventures was to go by the board. Many elements in Tam’s dream tallied with events depicted in this session, bearing out Seth’s contention that Tam already sensed the conflicts over Adventures, etc. We are to send him what’s done on Seth’s new book.

(The galleys for Oversoul Seven arrived yesterday. This has been most opportune—and in them Jane was delighted to see many hints and ideas for future work —many clear signs that she had already begun to feel her way toward the future; including poetry. Our opinions of the book have risen apace, though we liked it before also.)