“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

For some time Ruburt felt he was a failure, as a wife and as a writer. He did not see you succeeding, either. Conditions mentioned far earlier made communication difficult, and he brooded. The mobility, the point of mobility, represented moving ahead in his work, or not moving ahead. The apartment became a symbol. It was quite all right for the aspiring writer. If however he could not achieve the kind of success he wanted, then he might as well have the trappings.

He is quite correct in saying (today) he denied to some extent an important aspect (of himself). The problem was in consciously hiding the conflicts from himself, and in deciding upon a status quo. Status quos can never be maintained to begin with. Some of this should be clear, and is, I know, but we will put it together, and I will clear some issues for you.

The ESP book was meant to be a book—one book. In the beginning he did not want to publish the material, if you recall. Not because he did not like the material, but because then, at least, he understood that for him (underlined) assembling it during his creative hours was not fulfilling his kind of creative need.

The creativity was in the sessions. Because he felt a responsibility to the work, and because of another publication—a hardcover book—he consented to The Seth Material. The “acclaim” (in quotes) of a tour helped revive him initially, and he began ideas of a novel.

It had a psychic basis. Tam wanted another psychic book. Ruburt objected enough to refuse to do a series like the Cayce books, but tried to compromise with the Dream/Seth book, which also involved him with the typing of records. You needed the money, he felt.

He tried to do a narrative, and use for example descriptive abilities—a valiant attempt to do two different things in one book. Before all of this, as the very first symptoms began, before the ESP book, he was already deeply frightened by the novel rejections, the Playboy rejections after they raised his hopes, the poetry book acceptance that fell through with Continental, and what he felt to be your joint deteriorating relationship.

There were also financial considerations. He had only lately freed himself from a part-time job. To refuse a psychic book that was definite, to try for another novel with no assurances, seemed foolhardy. At the same time his age bothered him. The young writer, aspiring, was no longer so young.

At the same time he began to doubt his writing abilities. Perhaps he had overjudged his talents. Following The Seth Material, requests came that showed quite clearly he was regarded as a psychic. Psychics helped people. I told him to stay away from spiritualistic groups. He has a strong sense of responsibility and loyalty. He avoided being a “psychic personality” (in quotes) in grand terms. I am digressing here to bring you another issue: the strong responsibility he always felt toward his writing ability, he naturally felt toward the psychic ability—but without the necessary sense of discrimination, since he didn’t realize what such activities involved.

As a writer for example, alone, he does not feel a responsibility (underlined) to write every kind of book possible: gothics, mysteries, science fiction, poetry, essays, straight novels. There is no reason why he should, though he has the ability to write any of them well. So he need not feel that he has a responsibility to be a psychic healer, a clairvoyant, a medium, a psychic psychologist, and so forth, though he has the ability to be any of these.

He did however feel that responsibility. Conflicts arose because his responsibilities clashed. Other quite ordinary issues were involved, some fears he did not want to admit. At times he was convinced that he had made a failure of his life so far—with you and his work.

You were involved in his attitudes. He felt (long pause at 9 PM) that he had no right to try to do “creative” (in quotes) work that might not pay. He felt also that you were jealous of his own writing, but not of the psychic work, this being further in the past.

The dream book incidentally (which Eleanor Friede now has) in different form—far different—will be published. So will Adventures—and when he is in a better position to evaluate his Adventures. He did not want Dreams published. Adventures initially was a way of leading him back into “I” writing, and toward Aspects and Rich Bed.

Now. Last summer, or rather the one before the flood (in June 1972) improvements were obvious (in 1971). The reasons you should know. The pressure of the dream book was gone. He was not doing something he did not want to do. The move (across the hall into our second apartment) meant mobility. Your relationship began to improve to an important degree.

He was between books, just having money from Seth Speaks. There were several things you had still not learned, however, that you have now learned. The relationship would be very good, then, but some old characteristic responses of ours would occur now and then, and frighten him. He began to move toward a new contract, which meant Adventures, he felt, rather than Rich Bed.

Initially there was great enthusiasm with both, but Rich Bed was his baby and Adventures a method of learning and an initial way of releasing pent-up creative energy. It had a purpose, and has. It meant however more creative time spent in examining (underlined) the psychic experience. At the same time he hoped Tam would take Rich Bed, knowing he wouldn’t. Unconsciously Tam sensed that dilemma, as he senses this one. Seven was the answer. In the meantime your being home also meant that he was face to face with you. You could see his condition, and as given earlier he tried to hide from you at times most of all.

After Seth Speaks was duly accepted, and while he was working on Adventures and Rich Bed initially, then he improved. The creative energy splashed over psychically in some poetry and in Sumari. Following that period he began to realize that Adventures for the present had served its purpose. Again he had another psychic book, and hopes of a contract, and Tam did not want Rich Bed.

Seven was the answer, but only if Seven led where it was supposed to lead. In the meantime there was the matter of a tour, or not, for Seth Speaks, and speaking engagements. He felt that if he accepted and became known as a psychic, in those terms, his chances of becoming known as a writer were lost, and beyond recovery. He would be pigeon-holed as a psychic. It was for those reasons that his improvement deteriorated.

Now, the stairs represent going up and down on a treadmill, and getting nowhere. He seemed unable to move in any direction. This had to do with your apartment, which actually suited him fine for some time. But other dissatisfactions not faced were projected there also, and exaggerated, while there seemed to be nothing he could do about it.

He also felt that if you were a success as an artist he could write what he damned pleased, hid that anger, and felt extremely disloyal.

He did not feel free then to take the chance, financially or creatively, to write (in quotes) a “literary” book. And yet whole foundations of his being in this life are devoted to that particular aspect of art.

Seeing that group of people week after week, he is able to work with them, follow their progress and put theory into practice. That is sufficient. No one can be adequately (underlined) helped in one or two sessions, and it is not his responsibility, or mine, to answer personally the millions of people who need help, or even the relatively few who write him.

As you suspect, there is no conflict between the psychic and creative with him, but he did fear from the beginning that his own work would be swallowed. This has not proven true, for many reasons, some having to do with development.

His own work was not focused upon as it should have been, to his way of seeing things. Now he must go ahead and take his chances. He speaks of success. What he means is the production of a work of his own in those terms that he considers art, an accomplishment whether or not it brings financial success.

He was angry that the psychic work was bringing financial success, to some extent, while wanting the money. The full development of his creative abilities however needed the psychic development. Less ability would not.

He well knew at times that Adventures was in part a ruse to content him, and assure him of a contract while I began my book, but he is afraid of taking the plunge on his own now. He was also afraid that you would be angry.

Bill Macdonnel, coming at this time of year, did remind him of the first sessions and the ESP book and the tooth incident, caused physically by the sinuses, was a message that the time was crucial, a crisis. He had to say no, now, and move ahead in his own area.

(A few notes for the record: Bill Macdonnel returned to Elmira over the holidays to visit his parents. He’s visited us a couple of times. A week or so ago Jane had a dream in which she saw Bill with his mouth full of blood. Calling Bill a couple of days later to invite him to a New Year’s eve party, Jane was told by Bill that he’d been to the dentist and had several teeth pulled the day of the call.

I suggest then that he call Tam. There will be no difficulties.

I suggest immediately that you make symbolic changes in Ruburt’s room, at once, and throughout your place as you desire. He knows you will be here for a while.

Most of this was very conscious at various times, but your view of suburbia (when we went house hunting with a realtor the other day) helped to bring it into focus. Ruburt will use his creative ability in fiction yet, in a way that he could not have otherwise, to bring home the reality and dimension of human personality.

Our books will continue. He felt trapped and saw no way out. Even now he is afraid of turning down the money of letting that much work go, but he finally sees that that is his answer.

Now I have an important suggestion, to which I hope you will acquiesce, and it is important: You must really form a letter, a nice one, thanking people for their interest, explaining that for now private sessions are not given for individuals. These should be sent out to unanswered correspondence. Ruburt should devote himself to what he wants to write in his time. I will produce my books. There will be others (period).

For now let classes continue. Make the changes I suggested. Have Ruburt send Dialogues to those places he has in mind.

(“Should he write to Eleanor?”)

There are unknown dimensions then to his own work that will begin to materialize, and that would be buried had he continued to produce simply what he thought he should produce. And now do you have questions?

(“Is there anything now that you’d like to say that he won’t let you say?”

(“I just mean, is he open now to what you may or can say?”)

There are other elements not particularly mentioned in the background, but they are not crucial points. He felt he had lost his direction. Spontaneously feeling free to write what he wants to will also release him psychically.

Because neither of you were willing to take the chance earlier, nor did you feel financially secure enough to do so. You were both willing to put up with the situation. The idea of physically moving automatically brought these issues into the light, and you helped Ruburt immensely. He would never have tried completely to write the book, but he could have struggled nearly halfway through—

This time he believes you, because the suggestion came from you. (To shelve Adventures,etc.) He feels free to be a psychic only when he is not labeled (underlined) one exclusively.

(10:35. It is Wednesday, January 3 as I finish this session. Jane has already cleared the matter with Tam—who incidentally had a vivid dream Monday night, in which in distorted form he learned that Adventures was to go by the board. Many elements in Tam’s dream tallied with events depicted in this session, bearing out Seth’s contention that Tam already sensed the conflicts over Adventures, etc. We are to send him what’s done on Seth’s new book.