“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Unconsciously you feel that because you are the oldest son you should be the money-maker, in your mother’s eyes; but she never considered painting as such as financially rewarding. You still do not want to hurt her feelings. You are still trying to be yourself and the self you think she wants you to be, as far as you are able. Certain concessions for example you would never make, but you are still unconsciously bothered here, whether you know it or not.

He also often voices some of your own fears. Together this helps both of you. These feelings may be charged because they have been so repressed. He is learning, just lately now, how to release them, and the body is beginning to let go. But do not let these repressed feelings blind you to the beneficial qualities of your situation right now, or its creative possibilities.

You both do have an inclination to overstate your problems, and concentrate on them in an effort to solve them, and as you know that is not the answer. Ruburt should write in a personal diary if he prefers, but write his feelings several times a week. A half-hour at a time is fine, plus the effort to express any normally negative feelings at once.

Your set of problems are of the most creative kind. They are problems from which great potentials can emerge. Your full energy for work and your creative drive is released, and will be, as you creatively use and understand your problems, but not concentrate upon them, not let them close your eyes to the joys and freedoms that you have. You get what you concentrate upon. There is no other main rule.

You have a relationship not only unique, the two of you, but one that also serves as a springboard for creativity. You have talents and abilities that carry with them satisfactions that you both often blithely take for granted. They are so a part of your existence that often you are not even aware of them, yet their absence would show you the relative darkness in which the majority of people live.

Releasing the repressed feelings will also clear the way for freer expression of joy and exuberance, so while repressed feelings are being freed, do not forget to concentrate upon the positive aspects also. You do both, when you are together—often now, but not always—still concentrate upon Ruburt’s symptoms, so that they seem to block out all else. When either of you forget yourselves in work, conversation, other people, then the symptoms automatically decrease to some considerable degree. Now take your break.

Now. Several portions of the personality have already helped in the release of repressed feelings; the conscientious self particularly, which was the greatest repressor. In any cases of great repressive nature, one part of the personality may act alone in the beginning but later it must get the cooperation of other portions.

Emphasis should not be on performance but on expression, and Ruburt particularly encouraged to express all feelings, no matter how ambiguous. There are natural results, activations of hormones, quite necessary, that are released at such times that greatly benefit the system. The ambiguous feelings must be expressed. The drive, when it shows itself as last evening, is often irritating because the muscles and nerves connected have been so held back, instead of a clear flow of sexual energy then.