“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We were due to leave here tomorrow morning; we were all packed, etc. Our landlord, Rich Elgersma, visited us this evening and told Jane and me about a trailer and lot that he could have acquired not long ago for $1300.00. The news made us regretful in some way; it seemed to suggest answers to some of our own problems re living costs, locations, etc. Both of us liked it here. The weather has been very charming indeed.

When this continues you project negatively on all alternatives so that change always seems disruptive and negative. The possibilities of its creativity are often forgotten. You have both done well communicating your feelings lately. Ruburt’s idea of actively searching out his usually repressed feelings is excellent.

Now, because it seemed to you for so long that you could not move freely in your own life, that you did not paint full time, you got in the habit of automatically viewing all change as negative. You could not do it anyway. To realize its possibilities therefore would have been a torment. So recognize that element and its reasons now.

Releasing the repressed feelings will also clear the way for freer expression of joy and exuberance, so while repressed feelings are being freed, do not forget to concentrate upon the positive aspects also. You do both, when you are together—often now, but not always—still concentrate upon Ruburt’s symptoms, so that they seem to block out all else. When either of you forget yourselves in work, conversation, other people, then the symptoms automatically decrease to some considerable degree. Now take your break.

Any release therefore involves all of these cooperating parts. They follow the leader, so to speak, each part repressing various areas. In what has happened in the last few days, the conscientious self gave its consent to the release of various groups of thought and feeling it previously kept hidden.

Emphasis should not be on performance but on expression, and Ruburt particularly encouraged to express all feelings, no matter how ambiguous. There are natural results, activations of hormones, quite necessary, that are released at such times that greatly benefit the system. The ambiguous feelings must be expressed. The drive, when it shows itself as last evening, is often irritating because the muscles and nerves connected have been so held back, instead of a clear flow of sexual energy then.

Ruburt experienced a jerky irritation of muscles and a jangling of nerves. The repressed nature however came through, which is a definite advance. The sexual area is charged for him for those reasons. Here most of all he is afraid of letting go, and yet the pressure of course builds.

With all of his repressions, love-making became the most loaded time, for in a moment of weakness he feared he might spill out his feelings about your job and all the other material that has come to light.