“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Unconsciously you feel that because you are the oldest son you should be the money-maker, in your mother’s eyes; but she never considered painting as such as financially rewarding. You still do not want to hurt her feelings. You are still trying to be yourself and the self you think she wants you to be, as far as you are able. Certain concessions for example you would never make, but you are still unconsciously bothered here, whether you know it or not.

He also often voices some of your own fears. Together this helps both of you. These feelings may be charged because they have been so repressed. He is learning, just lately now, how to release them, and the body is beginning to let go. But do not let these repressed feelings blind you to the beneficial qualities of your situation right now, or its creative possibilities.

You both do have an inclination to overstate your problems, and concentrate on them in an effort to solve them, and as you know that is not the answer. Ruburt should write in a personal diary if he prefers, but write his feelings several times a week. A half-hour at a time is fine, plus the effort to express any normally negative feelings at once.

Now, because it seemed to you for so long that you could not move freely in your own life, that you did not paint full time, you got in the habit of automatically viewing all change as negative. You could not do it anyway. To realize its possibilities therefore would have been a torment. So recognize that element and its reasons now.

Do not compare your [joint] position with anyone. It is unique. Because it is, the possibilities are endless. If you magnify your limitations you create your own prisons. If you enjoy those freedoms that are yours now, you automatically increase them. You are in a clear position at this moment. You cannot expect a blissful time innocent of problems. That is not the nature of life or of existence.

You are not financially in any desperate need. By many standards even Ruburt’s health would be considered excellent. A concentration upon the healthy parts of his body will help increase his health. That is the point I am trying to make here. Be thankful for what you do have, and it will be increased.

Releasing the repressed feelings will also clear the way for freer expression of joy and exuberance, so while repressed feelings are being freed, do not forget to concentrate upon the positive aspects also. You do both, when you are together—often now, but not always—still concentrate upon Ruburt’s symptoms, so that they seem to block out all else. When either of you forget yourselves in work, conversation, other people, then the symptoms automatically decrease to some considerable degree. Now take your break.