“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

When you became sick he thought “Aha, mother was right, I do destroy everyone I touch, and now I have made my husband sick.” There is a great division of energy, as there is in all creators, but in his case between the need for spontaneity and discipline, safety and freedom, and these are clearly seen in the body’s condition right now.

These seemingly small episodes were nevertheless important. Because in the beginning you emphasized discipline, he felt you did not think him capable of exerting it on his own; that while you were attracted to his spontaneity you feared it and his energy. He felt that you believed that, given a free hand, his habits would be too exuberant. He would have, or would keep, odd hours, no schedule, be messy.

(9:15.) He felt for some time that you were intrigued by the spontaneous parts of his personality, as long as they could be controlled, kept proper and in their place. This had to do with the love-making also. He tried then, because of his loyalty to you, to temper the percentages—to be more one way than the other. You had this effect because he did idealize you to such a degree. It was not a fault of yours.

(9:37.) One of the best influences on him are the few pages in a book by a psychologist about the creative personality. He knows what they are. (The Essence Of Being, by Abraham Maslow.) They release him to a strong degree, but in the past there has been a bearing down afterward, a renewal of repressions, if he became frightened if the spontaneity has worked.