“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This evening we sat waiting for a session, or whatever else might develop. Jane heard her mother’s deprecating, scathing voice, quoted it to me, and said she felt quite uneasy. She felt as though “different parts of me are casting about for the best way to give the material tonight—Seth, or some other part of me, whatever we decided. I even got the idea: Now here we have the body ‘kind of thing,’” she said.

(And of course, this makes me think that our staying her at the Overseas Motel, in Marathon, is probably the poorest choice we—I—could have made. Our cottage here is within a hundred yards of the spot where we camped with Jane’s father in the late 1950’s. I would say now, without checking with Seth, that any thought of nostalgia we might have derived from returning here would have been better ignored. We will not come here again. Our stay hasn’t been too pleasant for a variety of reasons, including noisy neighbors, etc. We made one half-hearted attempt to get out a week ago, on our trip to Key West.)

When you became sick he thought “Aha, mother was right, I do destroy everyone I touch, and now I have made my husband sick.” There is a great division of energy, as there is in all creators, but in his case between the need for spontaneity and discipline, safety and freedom, and these are clearly seen in the body’s condition right now.

I am an ally because I can help express those repressions. I have the energy to do it creatively if I am not hampered. Read this together with the other statement. You are on the right track. Once repression is really faced as a problem it can be overcome, because all portions of Ruburt’s personality now realize the danger involved, and know that the pattern must be broken.

(9:45. Jane slowly began to come out of it. Her eyes were heavy, closing often. Her pace had usually been fast, and she had taken now breaks. “I feel real funny,” she said at last. “Intellectually part of me is appalled but I feel triumphant also because I’ve got a clear channel up through here—”she indicated her stomach, chest and throat—”and got the material out. But I really feel strange. Part of me feels like getting sick and the other part like laying down.”

The very fact that all of this now comes into the open is most advantageous; though it has been mentioned before, the peculiar tie-ups have not been described this well or this adequately. Please read this carefully. You need not fear that you must watch every word, and so forth, as long as communication both ways is maintained. Your own habit of repression in the past helped reinforce Ruburt’s, so greater communication helps you both.

(I would suppose the statement played a part in bringing this session about, since it posed questions dealt with in the session. I think though that this part of Jane’s personality would have spoken also, since the conscientious self had its say on February 17. Now that the conscientious and creative selves have spoken, probably Seth will speak next.

(Now for my statement, Sumari, etc. :

(Then she wrote: Feeling I’ve been so afraid of my personal thoughts and feelings—thought they were so bad that I don’t know myself. Invite self now to be aware of them—all of them normally, be astonished at their power, beauty and variety. They aren’t all negative. And even those have a power that is good when released. Can be a new kind of creative joy—a discovery that will really release me creatively, psychologically and physically. Been afraid to know myself; distrusted so never allowed self to see how good I am.)