“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He always needed approval, desperately. I was often forced to structure my work along lines that would bring approval. (Pause.) He feared the psychic developments, though they were one of my most creative endeavors, because he was afraid they would bring scorn instead.

I need freedom and agility of thought, where he tends to repress me unless I conform to definite ideas of good and wrong. I found the conscientious self then an uneasy partner, and a growing hindrance.

When you became sick he thought “Aha, mother was right, I do destroy everyone I touch, and now I have made my husband sick.” There is a great division of energy, as there is in all creators, but in his case between the need for spontaneity and discipline, safety and freedom, and these are clearly seen in the body’s condition right now.

Though you have left the job, the habit of repression is still strong. I know this is a burden on you, but it is important that both of you understand the repression. In some ways he has made poor judgments—for example in dealing with editors. Part of this was caused by this need for approval.

For many years, at least seven, he has been deeply concerned about your work, a repressive element in it, and the psychic freedom he felt you needed to release it. Because of the age difference he became very worried. Your best energies were going into your work, he felt, at the job, not into painting, and the very focus divided you. He felt it disloyal to recognize the repressive element in your work, and tried to pretend he did not see it.

(Jane and I are going to discuss this element in my work. I’m curious to know what she knows about it. I need all the help I can get, etc.

The very fact that all of this now comes into the open is most advantageous; though it has been mentioned before, the peculiar tie-ups have not been described this well or this adequately. Please read this carefully. You need not fear that you must watch every word, and so forth, as long as communication both ways is maintained. Your own habit of repression in the past helped reinforce Ruburt’s, so greater communication helps you both.

(Jane’s suggestion that she can consciously know whatever she needs to know is a good one. She has been using it before sleep for two nights. Last night after the suggestion, she received a good insight, and was able to examine it instead of repressing it. And again this morning.

(Jane today revived what is evidently an excellent suggestion—to the effect that “Whatever I need to know will rise to my consciousness.” She used this suggestion as she lay down for a nap. She is sleeping as I write these notes at 2:20 PM.