“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I am the creative self. You see me in the poetry, the psychic developments, and Sumari, but I have been forced to follow certain lines, as you suspected, despite my nature. Far more than Ruburt suspects from the beginning, his natural creative drives were also used to their ends, both religious, social, and as a way of gaining approval.

Quite unwittingly because of your own nature, you tilted the balance for a while. He picked up your ideas of discipline in the beginning, then latched upon them in his own way. He felt you did not trust his judgment, remembering what he thought of as key points in your life, when his judgment seemed wrong or when it was criticized.

(I got the insight at noon that the conscientious self, or “it”, was so tyrannical because it is being constantly fed charged material, fears, that are steadily repressed. These come from her childhood, her religious upbringing, her own strong moralistic and literal nature, plus probably reincarnational data about which we know very little. Plus overidealizations about me and my work, etc.

(I told Jane today that when a fear is expressed, it takes its natural place in the scheme of things and no longer grows unseen. Jane at first said during our talk that she must hate many things—but it seems that hate would only be a mask for fear— hence the suggestion that instead of asking herself what she hates, a more basic question is “What do I fear?”

(This morning when she expressed resentment at her conscientious or creative self, Jane said it took her a long time to get mad—several days in this case—after the session of February 19, when the creative self spoke. This delayed reaction may be, partly, her very cautious way of allowing an adverse reaction to surface, and it may also simply reflect her nature.

(My thinking at this time is that when we allow ourselves expression freely—painful as it may be at times—and live in ways that are in keeping with our natures and abilities, we will achieve that necessary and vital balance that automatically results in creative work, health, whatever material success we require, etc.