“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(At 8:45 PM I used the pendulum to clear up an ache in a tooth. I learned the trouble was based on my fear that Jane wouldn’t accept, or believe in, the statement. My action led Jane to tell me about her teeth and sinus bothering her before and during our trip down here, for about three weeks. I told her I was floored to learn that she’d let something like that go for so long before trying to learn anything about it’s causes, etc. This of course was a tie-in with the repressions on her part that I’d written about in the statement today.

(This evening we sat waiting for a session, or whatever else might develop. Jane heard her mother’s deprecating, scathing voice, quoted it to me, and said she felt quite uneasy. She felt as though “different parts of me are casting about for the best way to give the material tonight—Seth, or some other part of me, whatever we decided. I even got the idea: Now here we have the body ‘kind of thing,’” she said.

I am the creative self. You see me in the poetry, the psychic developments, and Sumari, but I have been forced to follow certain lines, as you suspected, despite my nature. Far more than Ruburt suspects from the beginning, his natural creative drives were also used to their ends, both religious, social, and as a way of gaining approval.

Sometimes his intellect has worked with me, sometimes not. I am far more resilient, pliable, flexible and daring then other elements of his personality, which are fear-ridden. Some of his attitudes have to do with his parents, in that he fears he could become like his father—undisciplined and slack, loose and amoral.

I need freedom and agility of thought, where he tends to repress me unless I conform to definite ideas of good and wrong. I found the conscientious self then an uneasy partner, and a growing hindrance.

(And of course, this makes me think that our staying her at the Overseas Motel, in Marathon, is probably the poorest choice we—I—could have made. Our cottage here is within a hundred yards of the spot where we camped with Jane’s father in the late 1950’s. I would say now, without checking with Seth, that any thought of nostalgia we might have derived from returning here would have been better ignored. We will not come here again. Our stay hasn’t been too pleasant for a variety of reasons, including noisy neighbors, etc. We made one half-hearted attempt to get out a week ago, on our trip to Key West.)

When you became ill then the repressive state reasserted itself. You follow me there: because of the mother situation it was not safe to speak of illness at all. He could not bear to be responsible for your condition.

(“Yes, but I’ll have to know when it’s happening.” Meaning that Jane will have to tell me.)

The passages allow him to give me freedom, and also release the physical mechanism to some notable degree. If he does not repress any fears following the release, then improvements will continue. He did not realize this, so the information above will be of great help.

(9:45. Jane slowly began to come out of it. Her eyes were heavy, closing often. Her pace had usually been fast, and she had taken now breaks. “I feel real funny,” she said at last. “Intellectually part of me is appalled but I feel triumphant also because I’ve got a clear channel up through here—”she indicated her stomach, chest and throat—”and got the material out. But I really feel strange. Part of me feels like getting sick and the other part like laying down.”

(Jane got two more bits as we talked: The creative self had to disentangle itself from the conscientious self to get this material out; and she had ambiguous feelings about her books because she felt they put me in a poor light. Then the creative self returned at 9:50:)

(February 24, 1972. Thoughts—after the 3 sessions here in Marathon, of February 16, 19, and 21, it finally dawns on me—I finally put the material in the sessions together—and realize that a more basic quality behind Jane’s symptoms is repression. The task then is to learn what causes this. A good question would be: “What am I so afraid of?” This is much simplified, of course.

(I got the insight at noon that the conscientious self, or “it”, was so tyrannical because it is being constantly fed charged material, fears, that are steadily repressed. These come from her childhood, her religious upbringing, her own strong moralistic and literal nature, plus probably reincarnational data about which we know very little. Plus overidealizations about me and my work, etc.

(The two instances cited here actually represent good improvements on Jane’s part, in that she allowed me to learn what was involved. I think the continual repressions over the years have let the conscientious self grow out of proportion. I think also that the conscientious-self or “it” made a creative advance on February 19 when it stated its tactics were bringing about the very thing it did not want—Jane’s inability to work in freedom. My thought at the moment is that more expression on Jane’s part will free the conscientious-self to perform its own balanced role, and to actually retreat in doing so.

(I told Jane I think that if it is not fed a steady diet of repressed material—which it may not even want—the conscientious or creative self is perfectly capable of doing its job without excesses. There will be no fears of unrestrained sexuality, or not working creatively, of overidealization of me, or my work, etc. All of these ideas, I feel, evidently grow out of repressed, unexpressed fears that have built up over the years, and have been taken over, or dumped upon, the conscientious and/or creative self.

(To me, Jane’s creative ability to translate my Sumari into English, as she did on Friday morning, February 25, 1972, was magical indeed.

(Then she wrote: Feeling I’ve been so afraid of my personal thoughts and feelings—thought they were so bad that I don’t know myself. Invite self now to be aware of them—all of them normally, be astonished at their power, beauty and variety. They aren’t all negative. And even those have a power that is good when released. Can be a new kind of creative joy—a discovery that will really release me creatively, psychologically and physically. Been afraid to know myself; distrusted so never allowed self to see how good I am.)