“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This afternoon I wrote Jane a three-page statement. It was based on the three previous sessions held here, and my thoughts growing out of them. I included a few lines of Sumari at the end of it; Jane hasn’t translated these yet.

(At 8:45 PM I used the pendulum to clear up an ache in a tooth. I learned the trouble was based on my fear that Jane wouldn’t accept, or believe in, the statement. My action led Jane to tell me about her teeth and sinus bothering her before and during our trip down here, for about three weeks. I told her I was floored to learn that she’d let something like that go for so long before trying to learn anything about it’s causes, etc. This of course was a tie-in with the repressions on her part that I’d written about in the statement today.

(This evening we sat waiting for a session, or whatever else might develop. Jane heard her mother’s deprecating, scathing voice, quoted it to me, and said she felt quite uneasy. She felt as though “different parts of me are casting about for the best way to give the material tonight—Seth, or some other part of me, whatever we decided. I even got the idea: Now here we have the body ‘kind of thing,’” she said.

(And of course, this makes me think that our staying her at the Overseas Motel, in Marathon, is probably the poorest choice we—I—could have made. Our cottage here is within a hundred yards of the spot where we camped with Jane’s father in the late 1950’s. I would say now, without checking with Seth, that any thought of nostalgia we might have derived from returning here would have been better ignored. We will not come here again. Our stay hasn’t been too pleasant for a variety of reasons, including noisy neighbors, etc. We made one half-hearted attempt to get out a week ago, on our trip to Key West.)

(Additional thought re the notes just above: I suppose that if we enjoyed clear channels of communication between all parts of ourselves, we wouldn’t have returned to this spot—or if we had, no charges would be involved. I pulled in here after we had passed it; it was at the end of a day of driving, I was tired, and thought of the place. We hadn’t decided to come here while in Elmira, or on the way down. And if Jane had been aware of any negative influences here, if they exist, she would have prohibited our returning.... Perhaps our stay here did lead to this very important series of sessions, though; we are learning much from them.)

(9:45. Jane slowly began to come out of it. Her eyes were heavy, closing often. Her pace had usually been fast, and she had taken now breaks. “I feel real funny,” she said at last. “Intellectually part of me is appalled but I feel triumphant also because I’ve got a clear channel up through here—”she indicated her stomach, chest and throat—”and got the material out. But I really feel strange. Part of me feels like getting sick and the other part like laying down.”

(February 24, 1972. Thoughts—after the 3 sessions here in Marathon, of February 16, 19, and 21, it finally dawns on me—I finally put the material in the sessions together—and realize that a more basic quality behind Jane’s symptoms is repression. The task then is to learn what causes this. A good question would be: “What am I so afraid of?” This is much simplified, of course.

(I took her reaction to speak of her faith in my leadership in this instance. In other instances, I told her this noon, I believe she lost faith in my leadership, as detailed so well in the three sessions held here. This would arouse all kinds of panic feelings, since she wouldn’t dare speak out—and so she, and “it”, would feel that she had to furnish strong guidelines for her own protection—keep her writing rather than take jobs, etc. The symptoms resulted. All of this, until just recently, on unconscious levels.

(The two instances cited here actually represent good improvements on Jane’s part, in that she allowed me to learn what was involved. I think the continual repressions over the years have let the conscientious self grow out of proportion. I think also that the conscientious-self or “it” made a creative advance on February 19 when it stated its tactics were bringing about the very thing it did not want—Jane’s inability to work in freedom. My thought at the moment is that more expression on Jane’s part will free the conscientious-self to perform its own balanced role, and to actually retreat in doing so.