“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The repression in one way I used in the novels, but when the habit becomes too ingrained I find it difficult to retain, to transform into art. Some of my material comes from Ruburt’s repressions, but when the habit allows for too strong a charge, constantly rebuilt, this is a hindrance.

I often help, and have, by recharging him, as I did in all the creative developments to date. But then he must think “Is this good or is this bad? Am I being too free?” I can handle the early repressions. The habit of repression dropped its hold to a great degree when he met you. The situation of your illness brought it back, and from there it gained hold again.

These seemingly small episodes were nevertheless important. Because in the beginning you emphasized discipline, he felt you did not think him capable of exerting it on his own; that while you were attracted to his spontaneity you feared it and his energy. He felt that you believed that, given a free hand, his habits would be too exuberant. He would have, or would keep, odd hours, no schedule, be messy.

From that point on he kept any negative thoughts or criticisms to himself, and during that time he feared that you almost disliked him completely. The habits of repression took great root. Rather than hurt you he would put himself into harness. Once begun, these feelings attracted to them others from the past, so that I was appalled and finally had great difficulty.

For all of these reasons the habits of repression continued, for any critical comment could bring up the whole barrage. The slightest remark that you made that he did not agree with was the symbol for these inner deeper feelings. He dared not criticize you for anything, or even disagree in normal conversation, the charge was so great.

Though you have left the job, the habit of repression is still strong. I know this is a burden on you, but it is important that both of you understand the repression. In some ways he has made poor judgments—for example in dealing with editors. Part of this was caused by this need for approval.

The very fact that all of this now comes into the open is most advantageous; though it has been mentioned before, the peculiar tie-ups have not been described this well or this adequately. Please read this carefully. You need not fear that you must watch every word, and so forth, as long as communication both ways is maintained. Your own habit of repression in the past helped reinforce Ruburt’s, so greater communication helps you both.