“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I am the creative self. You see me in the poetry, the psychic developments, and Sumari, but I have been forced to follow certain lines, as you suspected, despite my nature. Far more than Ruburt suspects from the beginning, his natural creative drives were also used to their ends, both religious, social, and as a way of gaining approval.

Sometimes his intellect has worked with me, sometimes not. I am far more resilient, pliable, flexible and daring then other elements of his personality, which are fear-ridden. Some of his attitudes have to do with his parents, in that he fears he could become like his father—undisciplined and slack, loose and amoral.

I often help, and have, by recharging him, as I did in all the creative developments to date. But then he must think “Is this good or is this bad? Am I being too free?” I can handle the early repressions. The habit of repression dropped its hold to a great degree when he met you. The situation of your illness brought it back, and from there it gained hold again.

He felt these feelings extremely disloyal. He felt your mother was silently accusing him of putting you in a poor light whenever he succeeded. He wanted you to state your position, and say “I am an artist” to her and to the world, but he deeply feared that you considered that attitude irresponsible, frivolous, not practical; and worse, that you felt it negated the sacrifice you made by keeping the job for so long. (Not so, etc.)

I am an ally because I can help express those repressions. I have the energy to do it creatively if I am not hampered. Read this together with the other statement. You are on the right track. Once repression is really faced as a problem it can be overcome, because all portions of Ruburt’s personality now realize the danger involved, and know that the pattern must be broken.

(February 24, 1972. Thoughts—after the 3 sessions here in Marathon, of February 16, 19, and 21, it finally dawns on me—I finally put the material in the sessions together—and realize that a more basic quality behind Jane’s symptoms is repression. The task then is to learn what causes this. A good question would be: “What am I so afraid of?” This is much simplified, of course.

(A small incident to illustrate: Yesterday morning at 8 AM, the tenant in the efficiency next door played the radio very loud outside our window for over an hour. We both were mad, and felt like yelling, etc. Later that morning I asked the man and his wife to not do that. They agreed. [This morning we slept undisturbed.] But when I came inside after speaking to them, Jane said, “I wouldn’t dare do that.” At the same time she was smiling, and very pleased that I’d spoken up. [I had decided to speak up regardless of the consequences, though.]

(Then she wrote: Feeling I’ve been so afraid of my personal thoughts and feelings—thought they were so bad that I don’t know myself. Invite self now to be aware of them—all of them normally, be astonished at their power, beauty and variety. They aren’t all negative. And even those have a power that is good when released. Can be a new kind of creative joy—a discovery that will really release me creatively, psychologically and physically. Been afraid to know myself; distrusted so never allowed self to see how good I am.)