“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The other night you were talking to a portion of the personality who called itself the creator. It was actually a composite of the creative self and the conscientious self.

I am the creative self. You see me in the poetry, the psychic developments, and Sumari, but I have been forced to follow certain lines, as you suspected, despite my nature. Far more than Ruburt suspects from the beginning, his natural creative drives were also used to their ends, both religious, social, and as a way of gaining approval.

I need freedom and agility of thought, where he tends to repress me unless I conform to definite ideas of good and wrong. I found the conscientious self then an uneasy partner, and a growing hindrance.

You know that panic is behind such repression, and a misguided idea of self protection. Inhibiting thoughts inevitably inhibit body motion. For his own benefit and mine, two or three times a week he should sit down and write out his feelings, as he began to do last summer. All kinds of repressions will come to the surface.

(Jane got two more bits as we talked: The creative self had to disentangle itself from the conscientious self to get this material out; and she had ambiguous feelings about her books because she felt they put me in a poor light. Then the creative self returned at 9:50:)

(I would suppose the statement played a part in bringing this session about, since it posed questions dealt with in the session. I think though that this part of Jane’s personality would have spoken also, since the conscientious self had its say on February 17. Now that the conscientious and creative selves have spoken, probably Seth will speak next.

(This morning Jane got quite angry at her conscientious and creative self. After the revealing session of February 19, she expects more dramatic improvements. This morning she found herself rebelling against what she considered to be the conscientious self’s domineering tactics—work before anything else—etc.

(I got the insight at noon that the conscientious self, or “it”, was so tyrannical because it is being constantly fed charged material, fears, that are steadily repressed. These come from her childhood, her religious upbringing, her own strong moralistic and literal nature, plus probably reincarnational data about which we know very little. Plus overidealizations about me and my work, etc.

(The two instances cited here actually represent good improvements on Jane’s part, in that she allowed me to learn what was involved. I think the continual repressions over the years have let the conscientious self grow out of proportion. I think also that the conscientious-self or “it” made a creative advance on February 19 when it stated its tactics were bringing about the very thing it did not want—Jane’s inability to work in freedom. My thought at the moment is that more expression on Jane’s part will free the conscientious-self to perform its own balanced role, and to actually retreat in doing so.

(I told Jane I think that if it is not fed a steady diet of repressed material—which it may not even want—the conscientious or creative self is perfectly capable of doing its job without excesses. There will be no fears of unrestrained sexuality, or not working creatively, of overidealization of me, or my work, etc. All of these ideas, I feel, evidently grow out of repressed, unexpressed fears that have built up over the years, and have been taken over, or dumped upon, the conscientious and/or creative self.

(This morning when she expressed resentment at her conscientious or creative self, Jane said it took her a long time to get mad—several days in this case—after the session of February 19, when the creative self spoke. This delayed reaction may be, partly, her very cautious way of allowing an adverse reaction to surface, and it may also simply reflect her nature.

(Then she wrote: Feeling I’ve been so afraid of my personal thoughts and feelings—thought they were so bad that I don’t know myself. Invite self now to be aware of them—all of them normally, be astonished at their power, beauty and variety. They aren’t all negative. And even those have a power that is good when released. Can be a new kind of creative joy—a discovery that will really release me creatively, psychologically and physically. Been afraid to know myself; distrusted so never allowed self to see how good I am.)