“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Here you were influenced, where Ruburt was not, toward a job because of ideas of security that came from your mother, and, despite your conscious evaluations, from the activities of your brothers. Your having a job made sense to you therefore for these reasons, more so than it did to Ruburt, who had no such countering influences. Now give me a moment. (Pause at 10:27.)

Now. I will tell you something else. You felt that you owed it to your mother to try a secure type of financial arrangement, as far as you were personally able to do so. You realized that a full-time job was out of the question. Remember at least that you did not fall into that trap, and that you both had enough sense to avoid it.

The type (underlined) of commercial art you did as a young man was not the answer, but served many purposes. It gave you prestige and money. It gave you practice, but beyond the point that you pursued it, it could have frozen your abilities. The prestige and money, tied to your mother’s hopes, could have led you into other channels of commercial art that would have led you completely astray as far as fine art is concerned.

To you a part-time job helped compensate. You feared losing status in your family’s eyes by casting yourself completely aside into areas alien to them. You also felt that this would equate you in your mother’s eyes with your father. She, your mother, went with the main stream. Your father did not. You did not want to hurt her feelings particularly in the beginning. Your mother did think of Ruburt as a threat, for she recognized at once that Ruburt would not encourage the tendencies that she herself respected.

Ruburt also of course knew this, as he knew about your curly-headed friend the other night (at the Hurricane bar, amused), and he reacted vehemently, particularly against your parents. To help support your mother, particularly in the beginning under the situation as he sensed it, and with all of his other anti-mother sentiments, was the greatest of outrages. This is another reason for his actions on the Sunday visits. Hopefully, this will help you both understand.