“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(When Jane came out of the bathroom after washing, she said several times that she was getting this information, that it had a strong charge behind it, and that she “didn’t know what to do.” She repeated this phrase several times. The feelings wanted to explode, she said. She had experienced similar feelings some other times here in the past week, particularly after the last session, and made an effort to discharge them reasonably by talking. I thought that probably the feelings should be allowed to come out violently, but we were inhibited by our surroundings, and probably fear, etc. At any rate it seemed a great help that we had even reached the feelings. I asked Jane, rather impatiently at last if she could discharge the feelings in a session, as we had planned.

(It was a colder, very windy night here. The wind had been blowing strongly—to 30 miles an hour, and even more—for over 24 hours. We had the heater on in the efficiency. We sat in the kitchen. Jane’s voice was average, so this meant that often I had to ask her to repeat a phrase because the various noises almost drowned it out. She said later that she was in an altered state of consciousness. She knew what she was saying and remembered some of it. Her eyes were open most of the time. Her pace didn’t exceed my writing speed, but often it was close to the limits. A mild anger showed itself at times.

Your creative drives became a part of what I am, so that what I am includes the strength of both of your creative drives. I believe that you both must write and paint a reasonable amount of time daily. (Pause.) I was always against any jobs that would divert you as long as you were not in dire need, in which case I was willing to suspend my judgment.

I am literal-minded, in that I believe you are meant to be creators, and I have done all in my power to see that you did not swerve. I considered your position dangerous, more so as time passed. My methods however obviously are not working now, so it becomes necessary that I communicate with you.

My methods have not brought about what I wanted, however. Now you spend half of your time trying to figure them out, and what is wrong with Ruburt—time that you should be working. I do not care if both of you die poor, but I do demand that you live using your abilities.

If you work on your own, both of you, then I do not need to police you. You are free to play and wander when your work is done. I tried to have him sit and write books, chained to his chair, don’t you see. The purpose twofold: to see that he worked creatively himself, and could not have a job, and to have money so that you could paint full time.

The more the books were written, the less willing it seemed you were to do what I wanted. The struggle made it difficult even to create for a time. I was caught between using my energies to help Ruburt create, and trying to get money through the creativity for you to quit. This itself hampered the creative drive, hence the dream book difficulty.

You finally began to realize that I wanted you to leave the job (long pause at 9:55), but the negative attitudes that had built up attached themselves to the new projects—something I did not foresee. My power is the strength of both of your drives. (Pause for a cigarette.) I am a part of you, then, the part that always hated your job, and can scarce[ly] forgive you for keeping it so long. I understand it was necessary for a time, but all thoughts of security beyond the daily necessities mean little to me. I want you secure enough to work in peace. Outside of that I have no interest.

I am dismayed. I did not think Ruburt would work unless he was chained to his chair, so I chained him, both to do his own work and force you to do yours. Then you both fought me. He did not like working chained, and I tried to make the chains appear as natural as I could. He is not physically harmed to any great degree (one of the questions I wanted discussed tonight, although I never mentioned it to Jane), or maimed. I can say however that for some time I did not care if he was, if these purposes were met. I see now that they would not be, that instead all your time would be spent concentrating upon the condition that was meant as a protection, until no work was done—hence my dismay. I was not appreciated, though I did my best for you.

(As we talked at 10:45 it almost returned. Jane said she got, several times, “and all that for nothing,” so I repeated our ideas. I made it a point to reiterate my statements about freedom being absolutely necessary to us in order to create, and that we requested its help and assistance with these limits or goals in mind. “But I’ll be just as happy, “ Jane said, “if it goes away altogether.” The only concern I had in this respect was that it represented creative drives, if in a distorted form. I wanted the drives to remain with us for our use without limitations, so I wasn’t sure if it should be dispensed with completely.

(10:55. “I’m not sure I should even think about it,” she said, still yawning, but I think the relaxations reached to about here,” and she touched her legs just above her knees. Previous relaxations, including one yesterday, stopped at her waist. “I can’t understand it,” she said. “I seem to be getting another one after coming out of the first trance... Going back in....” She didn’t, though. I helped her to the john. Afterward she told me her knees felt better than they had in some time.