“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We talked briefly after a late supper.While washing up, Jane told me after she was finished, she “got” that she was worse in Key West because she should have stayed here and worked today. We went to Key West with the idea of possibly spending our last week there, but found prices too high for us, at least on such short notice. After the nap, I suggested we might stay here the next week, to work, have a couple of sessions, etc., and Jane agreed.

All right (Jane said), call me the creator, this part of me that’s talking. We’re using it to designate what I am. I’m composed of your strong drives for creativity. My purpose is to protect and direct your energies specifically in the areas of writing and painting. I’ll state what I think simply. I want this dialogue because my purposes were not being met. My efforts have obviously worked against themselves.

Strong moral ideas welded what I am together—welded the creative drives like glue. Part of me was born in Ruburt’s childhood. This part was strengthened by your own ideas of work and creativity. You became the policeman. I relied on you to see that Ruburt’s creativity was channeled and used, protected, but most of all not frittered away.

Many aspects of your joint ideas gravitated toward me. Other areas of living were all molded together so that unity would result. You would have, for example, no desires that would be basically in opposition to the creative one.

I do not want you to go hungry, or to be unhappy. I do not want you to be in want, but outside of that nothing else concerns me but your work.

You two more or less made me a promise that Ruburt would begin working sensibly on his book again (after last session), and instead you took a trip. I consider this a betrayal—a small one, but quite indicative of your behaviors.

That purpose unites you, and when you are not tuned to it completely you are unhappy or sick, one or the other. I am protective because I know that this is so. It is the purpose that gives everything else in your lives meaning. Because I am attached to Ruburt now, his ideas of course color many of mine, so his fear of the passing years developed upon your fear of them ten years ago, projected now into your future, as ten years older than he. So to me you have no right to have a job.

I considered the trip a scandal today. The vacation itself an excellent idea if half of it were devoted to work. I go along with the psychic development, as long as it adds to your work and influences it. I am suspicious of it if it prevents you from painting, because of notes, but this does not bother me when you are painting also.

My demands, to me, are simple and reasonable. More than that, I see no others worthwhile. All you have to do to please me is work a reasonable amount of hours daily; then I do not care what you do, but I expect that purpose to govern and direct your lives to be the focus about which all other events happen, not a sideline.

You finally began to realize that I wanted you to leave the job (long pause at 9:55), but the negative attitudes that had built up attached themselves to the new projects—something I did not foresee. My power is the strength of both of your drives. (Pause for a cigarette.) I am a part of you, then, the part that always hated your job, and can scarce[ly] forgive you for keeping it so long. I understand it was necessary for a time, but all thoughts of security beyond the daily necessities mean little to me. I want you secure enough to work in peace. Outside of that I have no interest.

To me, my demands are simple. I rage when neither of you work as you should. Show me you do not need a policeman, that if I let go you will not slide away from your goals. I am a taskmaster. That is my role. I am reasonable, however. I am willing now to negotiate. In negotiating with me you negotiate with yourselves. I do not accept compromises. I do accept solid work and firm intent.

I am dismayed. I did not think Ruburt would work unless he was chained to his chair, so I chained him, both to do his own work and force you to do yours. Then you both fought me. He did not like working chained, and I tried to make the chains appear as natural as I could. He is not physically harmed to any great degree (one of the questions I wanted discussed tonight, although I never mentioned it to Jane), or maimed. I can say however that for some time I did not care if he was, if these purposes were met. I see now that they would not be, that instead all your time would be spent concentrating upon the condition that was meant as a protection, until no work was done—hence my dismay. I was not appreciated, though I did my best for you.

(10:55. “I’m not sure I should even think about it,” she said, still yawning, but I think the relaxations reached to about here,” and she touched her legs just above her knees. Previous relaxations, including one yesterday, stopped at her waist. “I can’t understand it,” she said. “I seem to be getting another one after coming out of the first trance... Going back in....” She didn’t, though. I helped her to the john. Afterward she told me her knees felt better than they had in some time.

(Later the next day, as I write these notes, she told me her knees are “working, bending somewhat,” as they haven’t been doing. She has been walking stiff-legged.)