“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

First of all, Ruburt idealized you, as you know, in the early days of your marriage and courtship. The poetry to you clearly shows that he did not regard you in the same light as ordinary men. He did feel to some extent after your move to Elmira that you withheld leadership. This was twice the crushing blow because he overidealized you to such a degree to begin with.

You still do not encourage, now, lovingly (underlined) Ruburt to discuss his fears. The two of you do not consistently bring them out into the open. Some could be easily dismissed if you lovingly said “These are harmless. Don’t you understand how silly they are,” but without accusation.

Now. It is precisely because Ruburt places such high value on your work and ability that he was so concerned. Had you stopped painting, you see, the dilemma in a way would not have existed. He felt you were denying yourself the one thing you wanted out of life above all others.

He was angry at your mother for whatever ideas she gave you that prevented the full use of your abilities. One of the things Ruburt resents most about your mother is her lack of understanding of the nature of your artistic abilities. Ruburt considered your mother an enemy in that regard.

So it is not that in Ruburt’s eyes that what you have done is not important. Its importance however in his eyes brings about the responsibility to go further. The steady, unvarying devotion that you have for him is always appreciated, never taken for granted, but he feels he would be denying that devotion of yours if he did not see to it that you had your chance to work.

Now. With each book that Ruburt produced, he felt guiltier that you were still at the job. He was afraid that both of you would become too timid as time went on to make the move that he felt you must make, and that the necessary opportunity would slip through you fingers.

Now. A separate point, returning now to a discussion of fears. Before you left for your trip I told you of some of Ruburt’s negative projections, and advised you both to discuss them. I remember the night well. You had a snack and went to bed, and that was that. And I spoke in stern terms.

Because you made the decision to leave does not mean that automatically the negative thought patterns are relieved. When Ruburt had fears about his physical abilities during the trip before the trip, they were not thoroughly discussed, barely mentioned. Together you should have seen that under the circumstances they were “natural extensions” (in quotes) of past habit. Some of them ordinary-enough concerns that anyone would have embarking upon a trip, about money, etc. hardly dire, and easily dealt with if aired; but he was ashamed of them. They were negative and to be hidden.

Now there are reasons for all this. I will see that you get them, but in the meantime you both can make an effort to express feelings. (We have already begun, with good results, as I type this the next day.) It will become easier as you go on. (Humorously.) The nonexpression leaves the door open for all kinds of misinterpretations. Some of the difficulty here had to do with the fact that Ruburt uncovered his body in front of others, which to him made him feel vulnerable, pointed up the contrast (with others); he would not let the normal feelings have release. He should have cried quite honestly in front of you, and you should have then tried to reassure him of those positive elements of his appearance.

—and until you encourage the free flow of feeling; and you can. The situation is not nearly as hopeless as it appears, and I tell you, Joseph, that your joint feelings of hopelessness are as hypnotizing as what I just explained to you of Ruburt’s actions.

Quite frankly, they are of such a nature that youth could not bring them to fruition. This you and Ruburt should underline and remember. You could not use them as a youth, fully, anymore than Ruburt could have used his psychic abilities without gross distortion. Underline the last several sentences, and take my word for it.