“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now—let me proceed at my own rate, and in my own manner. Your questions will be answered, but let me go about it in my own way, and not start out necessarily with question A.

Success to him now would automatically put you in a poor light in his eyes. There was the struggle to succeed and not to succeed. He felt you were not putting yourself to the test, that you were holding back while he was putting himself to the test, and often not doing too well.

Now besides all this, as you know, because of his background he has a great need for emotional give-and-take and reassurance. This must come largely from you. It is and has been a sore point. As he became afraid that youth left him and that your drives to paint and write were not as secure and overriding, then he became even more in need of reassurance.

Because of the situation, of course, it was even more difficult than usual for you to give it. This in itself aggravated those old fears concerning sex and the body—that it would lead him astray. If you did not—I am using his terms now—flirt with him and play with him in those terms, he was afraid he would look for that assurance in other men’s eyes.

Now. The feelings of pessimism belong to you both, and help in keeping the symptoms in a stirred-up condition. They are a strong part of your problem, and there is a negative feedback that operates in that regard.

You still do not encourage, now, lovingly (underlined) Ruburt to discuss his fears. The two of you do not consistently bring them out into the open. Some could be easily dismissed if you lovingly said “These are harmless. Don’t you understand how silly they are,” but without accusation.

Now. It is precisely because Ruburt places such high value on your work and ability that he was so concerned. Had you stopped painting, you see, the dilemma in a way would not have existed. He felt you were denying yourself the one thing you wanted out of life above all others.

Now give us a moment. (Pause.) The value of your lives together and separately does not appear to you. Your effect upon others, even before the psychic work, has been literally invaluable to many people. You have been beacons to them. You go quite literally into areas into which many cannot follow. You go for them and for yourselves, this being the nature of creativity.

Now we will take a break. Do not blame the good people.

Now. With each book that Ruburt produced, he felt guiltier that you were still at the job. He was afraid that both of you would become too timid as time went on to make the move that he felt you must make, and that the necessary opportunity would slip through you fingers.

Now. A separate point, returning now to a discussion of fears. Before you left for your trip I told you of some of Ruburt’s negative projections, and advised you both to discuss them. I remember the night well. You had a snack and went to bed, and that was that. And I spoke in stern terms.

Now there are reasons for all this. I will see that you get them, but in the meantime you both can make an effort to express feelings. (We have already begun, with good results, as I type this the next day.) It will become easier as you go on. (Humorously.) The nonexpression leaves the door open for all kinds of misinterpretations. Some of the difficulty here had to do with the fact that Ruburt uncovered his body in front of others, which to him made him feel vulnerable, pointed up the contrast (with others); he would not let the normal feelings have release. He should have cried quite honestly in front of you, and you should have then tried to reassure him of those positive elements of his appearance.

There are points in the session that I want to elaborate upon, and several other comments I want to make for now.

Now for tonight I will let you rest, but there will be other sessions; and I suggest that you follow the plans that you began today.