“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

First of all, Ruburt idealized you, as you know, in the early days of your marriage and courtship. The poetry to you clearly shows that he did not regard you in the same light as ordinary men. He did feel to some extent after your move to Elmira that you withheld leadership. This was twice the crushing blow because he overidealized you to such a degree to begin with.

He did not want to admit these feelings to you or himself. He felt also, in the past, that if he told you to leave the job, and it did not work out as you wanted, that you would blame him, as he thought (underlined) you blamed him for the move from Sayre.

(9:10. Seth spoke thus because of a lot of noise next door. Newcomers were moving into the unit beside us; I heard a child’s voice also, which at once made me angry. Our landlord had told us earlier that people from Canada were coming to stay a week or ten days—in other words, as long as we would probably be here—but he hadn’t mentioned children. I frowned, then Seth spoke. One more problem, I thought, even if only temporary. Jane and I had a good discussion, though. I thought the material excellent. Resume at 9:22.)

Now. With each book that Ruburt produced, he felt guiltier that you were still at the job. He was afraid that both of you would become too timid as time went on to make the move that he felt you must make, and that the necessary opportunity would slip through you fingers.