“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane became so excercised by those answers that she scribbled her own notes and doodles [some of which are presented here], then pounded out on her typewriter, misspellings and all, her further reactions before tonight’s session.)

(I explained to Jane that I’ve never felt any aspersions against my manhood; that has never been a problem with me. As far as the idea of doing nothing, I explained to her that I thought saving money would enable us to get our own living quarters eventually, and thus solve some long-range problems. As soon as I realized that she was rebelling against a way of life that we had fallen into, probably mainly at my unwitting behest, I tried to make amends by leaving the job, etc. I would say the realization became conscious late last year; I kept the job until we finished checking the script for Seth Speaks, by the end of January.

(Again, I don’t consider that any success of Jane’s would put me in a poor light. I have been for her success, especially since I began to understand my poor reactions to the publication of her first book—jealousy, etc.

(A quick recheck with the pendulum as I write these notes reaffirms that I want Jane to be a success, that I am not jealous, that I am happy to have left the job, and that I want to be a painter.)

(8:47. My hand was tired. At break I did some ranting and raving to some degree. Jane said she didn’t want to continue the session if it made me feel that way, but I answered that I did want the session continued, etc. Resume at 9:00.)

(9:10. Seth spoke thus because of a lot of noise next door. Newcomers were moving into the unit beside us; I heard a child’s voice also, which at once made me angry. Our landlord had told us earlier that people from Canada were coming to stay a week or ten days—in other words, as long as we would probably be here—but he hadn’t mentioned children. I frowned, then Seth spoke. One more problem, I thought, even if only temporary. Jane and I had a good discussion, though. I thought the material excellent. Resume at 9:22.)

(Jane remembers this session better than I do. It took place in January. Anyhow, we didn’t have any such discussion as recommended, etc.)

(I had noticed of course when Jane began to wear brief garments here, but I assumed she had simply decided to do so, and so I considered it a distinct advance. It completely escaped me that she was hiding feelings about revealing herself. Questioning her before writing these notes, I learned that she had indeed covered up feelings of inadequacy, crying, etc., regarding her appearance as compared with others.)