“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He railed, again, about the psychic work, but this, while important, was deeply recognized as a part of his nature, an extension of it long before he consciously accepted it. Do you follow me?

He has determined that he will not push you in any way. Because of your age difference he took it for granted that you knew more than he, and when he had pushed you to Florida it had not worked. He determined he would never push you again.

You did lose communication for some time. He did not know if you were really satisfied with your work or not. If you were, then he did not see why you did not take the chance. If you were not then all the more reason why you should take it, to give yourself the additional time. He felt deeply disloyal to think that you should be doing something you had obviously decided not to do as yet.

He felt when or if he spoke of this you were deeply hurt, thinking he did not understand your sacrifice—the job, but he did not want your sacrifice. He wanted you free to do your painting. He thought that you would not be satisfied to quit unless he had a job, and this he could not do because of his own commitment to his work.

It was you who always said you wanted to put all of your energy into your work. You, whom he followed with such enthusiasm. He would waste his body for you and his work, but you would not take that step. He could not understand why. Operating, again, on his part were those doubts: could he really make a go of it if you quit? But he was more than willing to try if given the chance.

He saw the two of you writing and painting together. Since you have no other close contacts this emotional bond was important. Because he concentrates with such intentness he needs changes of environment physically as counterpoint. He saw himself writing books, then taking a trip to break the routine, returning again and plunging into work.

He was also afraid of losing what you had, disrupting the pattern of current life, particularly if you did not feel ready. He became deeply worried for you, and looked to you for leadership. He felt you abandoned him as far as your joint concern with your work was concerned.

The psychic work took up more of your time. The obvious to him was to quit your job (Jane, as Seth, almost laughed), paint, and have the time you needed. You seemed willing to make no adjustments of any kind. At the same time he felt you would begin to resent the time spent from your work, but you would cling to the job like a lifeline until it was too late.

As he saw your friends making adjustments to the best of their ability, he became more frightened. It seemed neither of you would make a move physically. He felt imprisoned in the second story of the house with his work, but he gritted his teeth and continued.

Much of this had to do with the picture in his mind, quite unconscious, of what he expected life to be. It involved both of you working against any impediment together, taking trips together, and having a freedom in that regard, a mobility because of your life-style.

Symbolically the job meant to him a great psychic rift, after, now, he felt you had enough money in the bank to hold you awhile. This did not operate, obviously, when you did not have the means. He worked then to get them.

The morning symptoms are clearly related to the fact that you work mornings. The exaggerated weekend symptoms are related to two factors: One, the chores that he feels you thoroughly resent, and two, the Sunday situation when your mother is home. He feels that all of you are not being kind to her, merely supporting her, to bolster up your own ideas of yourselves as sons. This also has to do with disruptions not connected with your work, for which he has no patience.

(10:14. At break Jane experienced a real outburst, during which she said most forcefully that she wouldn’t get a job, had no intention of doing so, etc. I thought this was material she had harbored for a long time. I hadn’t asked her to get a job recently. Anything I said concerning Jane and jobs referred to past experiences, which hadn’t worked out, etc.

(I didn’t understand whether Jane considered the last five years wasted or not, however, including the books, the psychic work, the painting, etc. I said for my part that the end of January would mark a change in our way of life, and that I didn’t think we’d ever return to the old—it obviously left too many things to be desired in spite of any accomplishments, etc. Resume at 10:40.)

He was also very deeply aware of your part in them, in the sessions, and in your support. To that extent they were their own reward. The secondary benefits, to him now, the financial rewards, lay latent. He felt they should be plowed back in—used for you and your work, and that you were not taking advantage of these secondary rewards, that they lay unused when they should furnish you, now, with the opportunity to do your painting.

Because of his love and loyalty he is deeply concerned about your work, and development. He was afraid of casting you into a situation before you were ready, and it seemed to him if you did not initiate the action you were not ready. He is afraid, naturally enough of the change, but the fear of not making it is far greater. He is determined that you have the chance despite any consequences, despite natural fears or anything else.

He feels you will be psychically more together, working more effectively as a unit, that your efforts will be directed more clearly toward what you want. It is the life-style he feels that is natural to you, and if you deviate from it for too long you become less unified and relatively listless. He feels then you will be working once again actively toward a common goal, with a life-style suited more daily to your natures.

There are other endeavors that can be tried, and any of them will pay off financially, and help you and others and free your minds; even though they may take some time from say, your work, they would be united concerns, reflected in your work, not energy directed completely outside of your concerns. I am speaking now of some of the ideas Ruburt listed.