“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now. Intuitively he has always believed that you should leave Artistic. He was somewhat frightened over the circumstances some years ago, when you had no money behind you, but even then intuitively he felt you should do so.

As a woman he appreciated your concern for security, and part of him was frightened to think of your giving up the income then, but the greater intuitive part felt that you should do so. He would not support you with a job, but he would do so through his books and other endeavors.

You did lose communication for some time. He did not know if you were really satisfied with your work or not. If you were, then he did not see why you did not take the chance. If you were not then all the more reason why you should take it, to give yourself the additional time. He felt deeply disloyal to think that you should be doing something you had obviously decided not to do as yet.

The few remarks he made never showed his deep emotional discontent. You would say “But you will not get a job,” or “You are not able to,” and that would make him think you did not understand at all. Of course he would not, and you should not.

He felt you should know this. He would never bring it up. His fear was too great. You would think he would not understand, or that he did not appreciate what you were doing. With what he was putting himself through, unnecessarily—but he did not realize it—then he could not understand why you did not insist on doing what you said you wanted to do. Either that, or admit you did not want it.

When he moved into this apartment the idea was “If Rob will not use the money then at least I will have more space.” He felt deeply misunderstood despite any ideas of logic or reason in conventional terms. He felt deeply that you should have left years ago, that your own intuition should have told you this. He was at a loss to understand why you did not, or why it seemed (underlined) you would insist upon a job on his part before you would leave.

He was also very deeply aware of your part in them, in the sessions, and in your support. To that extent they were their own reward. The secondary benefits, to him now, the financial rewards, lay latent. He felt they should be plowed back in—used for you and your work, and that you were not taking advantage of these secondary rewards, that they lay unused when they should furnish you, now, with the opportunity to do your painting.

He felt that it was inevitable, or should be, for you at one time to devote yourself to your painting, that you knew this, that is was always ahead of you, and that it was being unnecessarily put off.

Now. The fears and doubts connected with such a course have been buried and not faced, so do not be surprised if they become suddenly apparent to you. The consequences of not taking such a course should also be quite apparent to you. You would feel cheated and betrayed by both yourself and others, never knowing what you could have done had you given yourself the chance.