“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(After I resumed my seat:) The conflict was obvious, then, he had determined to write, to make his living in that manner. He refused to make a pattern of jobs. At my instigation he began the classes, which led him, though slowly, into other areas of financial development.

As a woman he appreciated your concern for security, and part of him was frightened to think of your giving up the income then, but the greater intuitive part felt that you should do so. He would not support you with a job, but he would do so through his books and other endeavors.

He felt when or if he spoke of this you were deeply hurt, thinking he did not understand your sacrifice—the job, but he did not want your sacrifice. He wanted you free to do your painting. He thought that you would not be satisfied to quit unless he had a job, and this he could not do because of his own commitment to his work.

(I long ago gave up on any thought of Jane taking a regular job—perhaps several years ago, etc.)

In your discussions you came back to: “Yes, but I can’t depend on you to take a job to help out.” Of course you couldn’t. He thought that was understood. He could help you his own way, and that was not his way. His commitment forbade it. He thought your commitment forbid you, too. He felt in the last years that he could sustain you both financially, with your psychic support, if the stimuli were there, and he knew you were doing what you wanted to.

He has no intentions of getting a job, but he considers this a tribute on his part and yours. He began to feel that the status quo would last. He wanted the impetus to come from you, yet realized that your concern for him, lately, made this relatively impossible. So he seemed caught.

He long ago relinquished the idea of freely dashing around the countryside. He needs a home base deeply, as you do, but your job here also restrained you both. He felt you did not understand this need, that it was not logical.

The money meant little if it did not bring you what you wanted or even provide an environment that was more desirable. He thought: another book, more money in the bank to pay taxes on, you still at your job, no trips, just another book for more money. He felt you were throwing his gift back in his face.

The psychic work took up more of your time. The obvious to him was to quit your job (Jane, as Seth, almost laughed), paint, and have the time you needed. You seemed willing to make no adjustments of any kind. At the same time he felt you would begin to resent the time spent from your work, but you would cling to the job like a lifeline until it was too late.

The few remarks he made never showed his deep emotional discontent. You would say “But you will not get a job,” or “You are not able to,” and that would make him think you did not understand at all. Of course he would not, and you should not.

Symbolically the job meant to him a great psychic rift, after, now, he felt you had enough money in the bank to hold you awhile. This did not operate, obviously, when you did not have the means. He worked then to get them.

These thoughts smacked of disloyalty. He would not admit them consciously. He was afraid of demanding that you quit for fear you would say “I will quit if you get a job,” and this he could not do because of his own commitment.

When he moved into this apartment the idea was “If Rob will not use the money then at least I will have more space.” He felt deeply misunderstood despite any ideas of logic or reason in conventional terms. He felt deeply that you should have left years ago, that your own intuition should have told you this. He was at a loss to understand why you did not, or why it seemed (underlined) you would insist upon a job on his part before you would leave.

(10:14. At break Jane experienced a real outburst, during which she said most forcefully that she wouldn’t get a job, had no intention of doing so, etc. I thought this was material she had harbored for a long time. I hadn’t asked her to get a job recently. Anything I said concerning Jane and jobs referred to past experiences, which hadn’t worked out, etc.