“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He railed, again, about the psychic work, but this, while important, was deeply recognized as a part of his nature, an extension of it long before he consciously accepted it. Do you follow me?

Now. Intuitively he has always believed that you should leave Artistic. He was somewhat frightened over the circumstances some years ago, when you had no money behind you, but even then intuitively he felt you should do so.

Yes—but the heat is on.

As a woman he appreciated your concern for security, and part of him was frightened to think of your giving up the income then, but the greater intuitive part felt that you should do so. He would not support you with a job, but he would do so through his books and other endeavors.

He felt when or if he spoke of this you were deeply hurt, thinking he did not understand your sacrifice—the job, but he did not want your sacrifice. He wanted you free to do your painting. He thought that you would not be satisfied to quit unless he had a job, and this he could not do because of his own commitment to his work.

It was you who always said you wanted to put all of your energy into your work. You, whom he followed with such enthusiasm. He would waste his body for you and his work, but you would not take that step. He could not understand why. Operating, again, on his part were those doubts: could he really make a go of it if you quit? But he was more than willing to try if given the chance.

In your discussions you came back to: “Yes, but I can’t depend on you to take a job to help out.” Of course you couldn’t. He thought that was understood. He could help you his own way, and that was not his way. His commitment forbade it. He thought your commitment forbid you, too. He felt in the last years that he could sustain you both financially, with your psychic support, if the stimuli were there, and he knew you were doing what you wanted to.

He has no intentions of getting a job, but he considers this a tribute on his part and yours. He began to feel that the status quo would last. He wanted the impetus to come from you, yet realized that your concern for him, lately, made this relatively impossible. So he seemed caught.

He long ago relinquished the idea of freely dashing around the countryside. He needs a home base deeply, as you do, but your job here also restrained you both. He felt you did not understand this need, that it was not logical.

The psychic work took up more of your time. The obvious to him was to quit your job (Jane, as Seth, almost laughed), paint, and have the time you needed. You seemed willing to make no adjustments of any kind. At the same time he felt you would begin to resent the time spent from your work, but you would cling to the job like a lifeline until it was too late.

As he saw your friends making adjustments to the best of their ability, he became more frightened. It seemed neither of you would make a move physically. He felt imprisoned in the second story of the house with his work, but he gritted his teeth and continued.

The few remarks he made never showed his deep emotional discontent. You would say “But you will not get a job,” or “You are not able to,” and that would make him think you did not understand at all. Of course he would not, and you should not.

He appreciated the time you gave him, but he did not want the sacrifice of yourself. It was to his way of thinking a perverted gift, for which he could give no adequate acknowledgment—a gift that denied what you wanted was no gift but an unendurable burden.

He felt you should know this. He would never bring it up. His fear was too great. You would think he would not understand, or that he did not appreciate what you were doing. With what he was putting himself through, unnecessarily—but he did not realize it—then he could not understand why you did not insist on doing what you said you wanted to do. Either that, or admit you did not want it.

He felt you resented his being home. You used to say “You don’t know what it is to punch a time clock,” he thought resentfully. He took it as an accusation. He felt deeply that you had no one but yourself to blame if you did not quit. The money was there to be used, and you were blaming him when he did not deserve it to that degree.

With the dream book he felt, beside the material already given that it was useless. There would be more money in the bank and to him is was blood money, rotten or spoiled like fruit overripe and unused. He felt you were denying your own talent and abilities. You told him to trust himself constantly but you gave him no example, only words, for you did not trust yourself to that degree.

He knew quite well that you would be both casting yourselves adrift financially in conventional terms. He remembered in the past how he felt withdrawing money from the bank. He was quite aware of his own fears also, but he felt that the stimulus would offset these, and that you would not add your courage to his when he was faltering. Unless he did something, he felt, the status quo would continue.

He was afraid that you would grow more deeply to resent this, and that you would not rouse yourself in time to do what you must do. In the beginning he was afraid of taking the chance, but not taking the chance became finally unbearable. He was afraid you would not do it. He did not want to be the one to apply the stimulus. He wanted that to come from you.

Because of his love and loyalty he is deeply concerned about your work, and development. He was afraid of casting you into a situation before you were ready, and it seemed to him if you did not initiate the action you were not ready. He is afraid, naturally enough of the change, but the fear of not making it is far greater. He is determined that you have the chance despite any consequences, despite natural fears or anything else.

He feels that he is forcing the issue, but that he must force it now. He fears that there can be no more reasons legitimate enough to deter you, it is a challenge you know you must face, and that the best service he can be to you is to bring it to a head.

The problems are being brought out into the open where at least you can deal with them in their proper dimension, in the way meant for you to handle them. This does not mean all will be roses. I am not making predictions this evening, but if you go ahead with courage and conviction you will know you are doing the right thing, and you will be creatively and financially rewarded.

The situation will automatically bring up problems and challenges that you have put aside, but also offer possibilities of development because of the altered focus, not otherwise possible. Do you follow me?

(Seth now made some comments, here not recorded, about my using our recorder for more information, but as usual I was hesitant because of the time involved later in transcription. This was the end of the session. Jane’s trance had been deep all evening, the pace fast.

After a pause Jane said, “There’s more. That’s all you got, but there’s more to it.” This was another surprise. At 11:30 she went back into the Sumari trance and delivered the balance of the poem. It isn’t included here since she has made her own copies for her Sumari notebook, of this one and the three poems that subsequently followed. My original notes contain a list of the times each poem took – only a few minutes – plus a few comments. The session ended at 12:15 AM.

(Jane was really bleary and sleepy by the time she was finished. I thought her performance remarkable, and the poems of high quality. “I just sit here and they come out,” she said, but obviously there is much here for us to learn.)