“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Pe tu re sansori do du rantu gorheg.

Zu tu sa sen sor pruken ve do.

He railed, again, about the psychic work, but this, while important, was deeply recognized as a part of his nature, an extension of it long before he consciously accepted it. Do you follow me?

Now. Intuitively he has always believed that you should leave Artistic. He was somewhat frightened over the circumstances some years ago, when you had no money behind you, but even then intuitively he felt you should do so.

As a woman he appreciated your concern for security, and part of him was frightened to think of your giving up the income then, but the greater intuitive part felt that you should do so. He would not support you with a job, but he would do so through his books and other endeavors.

You did lose communication for some time. He did not know if you were really satisfied with your work or not. If you were, then he did not see why you did not take the chance. If you were not then all the more reason why you should take it, to give yourself the additional time. He felt deeply disloyal to think that you should be doing something you had obviously decided not to do as yet.

He felt when or if he spoke of this you were deeply hurt, thinking he did not understand your sacrifice—the job, but he did not want your sacrifice. He wanted you free to do your painting. He thought that you would not be satisfied to quit unless he had a job, and this he could not do because of his own commitment to his work.

In your discussions you came back to: “Yes, but I can’t depend on you to take a job to help out.” Of course you couldn’t. He thought that was understood. He could help you his own way, and that was not his way. His commitment forbade it. He thought your commitment forbid you, too. He felt in the last years that he could sustain you both financially, with your psychic support, if the stimuli were there, and he knew you were doing what you wanted to.

He long ago relinquished the idea of freely dashing around the countryside. He needs a home base deeply, as you do, but your job here also restrained you both. He felt you did not understand this need, that it was not logical.

This is apart from the creative endeavor of the books. For these—to do his thing—he drained his body because he thought he had to, and for what reward?

He felt you should know this. He would never bring it up. His fear was too great. You would think he would not understand, or that he did not appreciate what you were doing. With what he was putting himself through, unnecessarily—but he did not realize it—then he could not understand why you did not insist on doing what you said you wanted to do. Either that, or admit you did not want it.

Much of this had to do with the picture in his mind, quite unconscious, of what he expected life to be. It involved both of you working against any impediment together, taking trips together, and having a freedom in that regard, a mobility because of your life-style.

These thoughts smacked of disloyalty. He would not admit them consciously. He was afraid of demanding that you quit for fear you would say “I will quit if you get a job,” and this he could not do because of his own commitment.

The morning symptoms are clearly related to the fact that you work mornings. The exaggerated weekend symptoms are related to two factors: One, the chores that he feels you thoroughly resent, and two, the Sunday situation when your mother is home. He feels that all of you are not being kind to her, merely supporting her, to bolster up your own ideas of yourselves as sons. This also has to do with disruptions not connected with your work, for which he has no patience.

(10:14. At break Jane experienced a real outburst, during which she said most forcefully that she wouldn’t get a job, had no intention of doing so, etc. I thought this was material she had harbored for a long time. I hadn’t asked her to get a job recently. Anything I said concerning Jane and jobs referred to past experiences, which hadn’t worked out, etc.

He was also very deeply aware of your part in them, in the sessions, and in your support. To that extent they were their own reward. The secondary benefits, to him now, the financial rewards, lay latent. He felt they should be plowed back in—used for you and your work, and that you were not taking advantage of these secondary rewards, that they lay unused when they should furnish you, now, with the opportunity to do your painting.

He was afraid that you would grow more deeply to resent this, and that you would not rouse yourself in time to do what you must do. In the beginning he was afraid of taking the chance, but not taking the chance became finally unbearable. He was afraid you would not do it. He did not want to be the one to apply the stimulus. He wanted that to come from you.

He is also intuitively sure that without the stimulus you will never develop your abilities fully. There will be other crutches to fall back on. He knows that this is something you must do, that it is more important even than financial insecurity, that a deep portion of your being will be forever unsatisfied if that course in not followed.

(“Okay, So do I.”)

The problems are being brought out into the open where at least you can deal with them in their proper dimension, in the way meant for you to handle them. This does not mean all will be roses. I am not making predictions this evening, but if you go ahead with courage and conviction you will know you are doing the right thing, and you will be creatively and financially rewarded.

Now. The fears and doubts connected with such a course have been buried and not faced, so do not be surprised if they become suddenly apparent to you. The consequences of not taking such a course should also be quite apparent to you. You would feel cheated and betrayed by both yourself and others, never knowing what you could have done had you given yourself the chance.

The situation will automatically bring up problems and challenges that you have put aside, but also offer possibilities of development because of the altered focus, not otherwise possible. Do you follow me?

For now then I will bid you a fond good evening, and I will do all I can to help you when you request it.