“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I showed them to Jane after the session and asked her to translate them, as she has done with the Christmas card I made for her, but she hasn’t had time to do so as I begin typing this the next evening. The translation will be added to the end of the session, presumably.)

He did this quite wholeheartedly, and with a vengeance. He would not have an ordinary job. He would force himself into a position where he must indeed make good through his work, financially and otherwise. He tried to emulate what he thought your actions would be in the same circumstances at the time this began.

At the same time he gave less and less nourishment to the body, denied it exercise until it began to wither from disuse. He goes inward then with great applied focus, but held the body in such tight reins that he denied it both energy and attention.

The tendencies to so withdraw and deny the body were early obvious, but unrecognized. In college only the body’s miraculous youth protected it when Ruburt did not eat properly, subsisted mainly on coffee and cigarettes, and went without proper sleep for months at a time.

Before, necessity would not allow it. He leaped over that barrier, and when you thought you had given him the opportunity to be free, he was not about to misuse it. He would force himself to devote all his energies in that direction, to silence for example any stray temptations to go out into the yard in working time, to visit friends. He would see to it that he could not give in to such temptations.

As this began to take more and more of your time however, he became concerned, for he did not intend to have his work at the price of your difficulty with him. He felt guilty enough that you had to work outside. He could justify some small inconveniences on your part, but not your continued unease and worried concern.

Ruburt believed his place was in his room. Time spent in the preparation of meals, in your social activity, in travel, was wasted time, and his attitude was largely shared by you. He simply put it into greater practice.

(I couldn’t agree with these ideas less. It may be beating a dead horse, but let me say that I’ve told Jane time and again that I don’t consider her physical condition an acceptable price to pay for any sort of creative achievement. This idea hasn’t penetrated, though.)

He felt you did not want him in bed anyway, so you would not complain there. He tried then to attain the goal in ways that would not upset you, as far as his understanding went at the time.

He wants you to leave Artistic and paint full time, to make up to you what you have suffered on his account, and also because he now believes that is the correct course to follow. I will go deeper into this in our next session.

The rest, the changed focus, will be of benefit. The time given to simple bodily pleasures –

(I was quite skeptical. I was remembering a lot of other such statements by Seth about vacations, etc., none of which accomplished anything that I could remember. I was remembering now what Seth had said earlier in the session about Jane’s attitude toward vacations, chores, etc., being a waste of time since these things took her away from her work.)

(I still intend to leave Artistic at the end of January, though some of my ideas have changed. Now I wonder if Jane will take my painting full time as a sign that her course of action was right all along, and simply intensify her withdrawal. Earlier today I told her I didn’t have any more time to wait, because of my physical age, that I no longer wanted to wait, etc. Easy to say. I have no idea whether I can bring it off, but I feel I might as well try. I feel exhausted, and that every other avenue has been explored.