“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The session began at 9:13 PM. At 9:11, as Jane and I sat talking and waiting, I wrote the following lines in Sumari:

(I showed them to Jane after the session and asked her to translate them, as she has done with the Christmas card I made for her, but she hasn’t had time to do so as I begin typing this the next evening. The translation will be added to the end of the session, presumably.)

(“Yes.” At suppertime, Seth spoke to Jane rather harshly as she worked in the kitchen. His data concerned her symptoms, and evidently continued material we had been discussing ourselves the last day or two on our own. I asked that tonight’s session deal only with personal material, so we were fairly well prepared. Jane shed a few tears when she came to the studio to tell me that she had heard from Seth late this afternoon. She also remarked that she wished she hadn’t heard from him. However, I considered the insights she gained to be very valuable indeed.)

(9:45. The pace had been good. My hand was tired. I was absolutely appalled by the material. It was an extension of insights we had been discussing lately, but to see it all neatly arrayed together was devastating. I sat in silence for several minutes because I didn’t know what to do; I seemed to be neutralized by the conflicting feelings washing over me. Nor did Jane say anything.)

(I asked Jane why she was allowing this material to come through now, but she didn’t know. I had been getting very angry lately however so I felt this was a prime reason. I was terribly depressed, at least briefly. I grimly promised Jane that there were going to be changes; and this was to not at all minimize my own role in this problem—it was merely my stated vehement desire that this madness come to an end, that I was ready for a change, and demanded one.)

(I couldn’t agree with these ideas less. It may be beating a dead horse, but let me say that I’ve told Jane time and again that I don’t consider her physical condition an acceptable price to pay for any sort of creative achievement. This idea hasn’t penetrated, though.)

(I explained this to Jane last summer. But that was six months ago now, and there has been no change.)

(10:32. During break Jane received a phone call from New York City; the caller, a girl, told of the death this evening of Francois Nesbitte. At age 46, of a heart attack, etc. Resume at 10:46.)

(I was quite skeptical. I was remembering a lot of other such statements by Seth about vacations, etc., none of which accomplished anything that I could remember. I was remembering now what Seth had said earlier in the session about Jane’s attitude toward vacations, chores, etc., being a waste of time since these things took her away from her work.)

(I didn’t believe any of this, and still don’t. I let Seth see my disbelief, but said no more. Nor have I yet seen a vacation break any patterns of behavior, or change any attitudes. After the session, I told Jane I would have to see it to believe it.)

(I still intend to leave Artistic at the end of January, though some of my ideas have changed. Now I wonder if Jane will take my painting full time as a sign that her course of action was right all along, and simply intensify her withdrawal. Earlier today I told her I didn’t have any more time to wait, because of my physical age, that I no longer wanted to wait, etc. Easy to say. I have no idea whether I can bring it off, but I feel I might as well try. I feel exhausted, and that every other avenue has been explored.

(Jane translated this Wednesday morning. It’s very interesting to note that even though I wrote the original in Sumari, she is the one who makes it available in English. When I wrote it I had not the slightest idea of its meaning, etc. The same applies to the verses I wrote for her Christmas card.)