“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I asked Jane why she was allowing this material to come through now, but she didn’t know. I had been getting very angry lately however so I felt this was a prime reason. I was terribly depressed, at least briefly. I grimly promised Jane that there were going to be changes; and this was to not at all minimize my own role in this problem—it was merely my stated vehement desire that this madness come to an end, that I was ready for a change, and demanded one.)

(I explained this to Jane last summer. But that was six months ago now, and there has been no change.)

(“Is this vacation going to do any good? It seems to me there’s got to be a strong change in his attitude, or the whole thing’s going to be wasted.”)

The rest, the changed focus, will be of benefit. The time given to simple bodily pleasures –

The stimulus of changed physical surroundings will be of benefit. The restaurant food will also be a stimulus to his appetite, and the changing physical sights alone refreshing. The change will also break old patterns of behavior, and will help therefore in changing his attitude.

(I didn’t believe any of this, and still don’t. I let Seth see my disbelief, but said no more. Nor have I yet seen a vacation break any patterns of behavior, or change any attitudes. After the session, I told Jane I would have to see it to believe it.)

(I still intend to leave Artistic at the end of January, though some of my ideas have changed. Now I wonder if Jane will take my painting full time as a sign that her course of action was right all along, and simply intensify her withdrawal. Earlier today I told her I didn’t have any more time to wait, because of my physical age, that I no longer wanted to wait, etc. Easy to say. I have no idea whether I can bring it off, but I feel I might as well try. I feel exhausted, and that every other avenue has been explored.