“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now there were unfortunate aspects to which you both did react, but in the beginning there were compensating factors in the beauty of the environment, the whole view. I did encourage you to move at one time.

Work is involved, in that Ruburt always expected you would move as soon as he made any amount of money at all. You have been also highly ambiguous in your own attitudes about your dwelling. He felt you would not do anything about it. He did nothing about it on his own, except finally to rent the other apartment, but he has been holding his breath quite literally, for some time.

To some considerable degree you have not been willing to count on yourself. You have negatively assumed that you could find nothing suitable—no place, that is—and resented the time involved. The change, the added space, for a while did help, you see. Ruburt does feel closed in; to some extent you also do —not free for example in the summer to take advantage of the yard—one minute example. But you live with some constant aggravation.

He felt finally that at least if you worked full time for yourself that (underlined) complaint would be taken care of. He considered it a practical move in the physical universe, one of the few actual changes that either of you had decided to make in all that time.

Now you are both creatures of habit, wanting feelings of security in which to work. Otherwise you would have moved a long time ago. Because you have no family you do respond with and to your environment strongly, and that response colors your health and your work.

He is afraid to move (underlined three times)—but he will also be excited. You are also afraid to move, and both of you are wary of fitting yourselves into a new environment, and in a small but significant way, of making a new personal world.

Both of you then have considered your dwelling place a symbol of not going ahead, of lack of initiative. Had you attempted better to coordinate the establishment, had you bought furniture, this would have made a difference. You never decided, you see, that this would be your home, for any (underlined) amount of time.

Up until that time. I am saying that the build-up of influences affected Ruburt more because this was his only environment through those years when you were away part time.

Now that you are here the relevance is important, but you do not have the built-up accumulation. At one time Ruburt could walk in the yard, you see, in privacy. He felt shielded. Now you do not understand how both of your attitudes were affected, as the house itself changed and as it changed hands.

You have private rooms now in a public area that becomes more public all the time, as tenants, strangers, move in and out. For a while the whole house had feelings of privacy when the same tenants, for example Lucy, were here for some time. With a change in tenants the halls for example become anonymous, all of these feelings strongly operate, and on both of your parts. Ruburt reacts physically, he waits physically. You do not feel safe to work.

In the beginning he was caught between sheer fury and desperation. His first hardcover was out, and instead of changing the situation for the better he was faced with a job after writing full time.

Your relationship at that time was very poor. I have given you material on it. It was a severe shock to him because of his earlier high dreams—and not to be smiled at. It frightened him.

Ruburt’s own fear, and fear for you, kept the material hidden; as did incidentally, the flood. It was simply an excuse in a way, but on the other hand Ruburt recognized the difficulties during that time. Also you both felt some loyalty to the house, and would not leave it in that condition. Ruburt does not think of money, but he can produce it with great facility—when he wants it for something, so he has been enraged at this useless money, in those terms.

(11:45. After leaving trance Jane said, “I’m afraid to move,” then explained that this time she was afraid only of moving away from this house. Getting up wasn’t involved, etc. 12:00 midnight.)