“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We could only think that something, somewhere, somehow, had escaped our daily notice; yet to pin this down seemed beyond our means. We felt exhausted. I finally went back to the studio to relax a bit. Unknown to me Jane used her pendulum in her workroom. When we sat for the session around 9 PM, Jane said her pendulum told her that the symptoms were caused by the house we lived in, and, specifically, by the original owner. This individual, nameless to us, had built the elaborate shower in apartment five, which is one of the two apartments we have here.

Now there were unfortunate aspects to which you both did react, but in the beginning there were compensating factors in the beauty of the environment, the whole view. I did encourage you to move at one time.

To some considerable degree you have not been willing to count on yourself. You have negatively assumed that you could find nothing suitable—no place, that is—and resented the time involved. The change, the added space, for a while did help, you see. Ruburt does feel closed in; to some extent you also do —not free for example in the summer to take advantage of the yard—one minute example. But you live with some constant aggravation.

The question, however brings up all of your attitudes—and you also have social attitudes—another apartment is no answer in that context. The thought of buying a house brings up strong feelings of inadequacy on your part. You feel that you should have been able to provide one for Ruburt by now.

He feels that you should have also, or you should have been satisfied with your work, regardless, one way or the other. So the issue is highly charged whenever you discuss it, and on the few occasions when you have looked around.

He felt finally that at least if you worked full time for yourself that (underlined) complaint would be taken care of. He considered it a practical move in the physical universe, one of the few actual changes that either of you had decided to make in all that time.

Ruburt is hardly able to do housework. He does not want to do it. It is his resentment against this apartment (5). This room (the living room) is the only one he regularly enters.

There were a series of seemingly innocuous desires, but forever put off, it seemed. Now with people who have many other sources of amusement, occupation, family gatherings and social episodes, such things do not have such meaning. Most of your contacts are professional; you both work at home. The environment therefore becomes highly important, as the living medium in which you work. This is one reason why you were not as affected as Ruburt, because you were away from the environment part of the day. Do you follow me?

Now that you are here the relevance is important, but you do not have the built-up accumulation. At one time Ruburt could walk in the yard, you see, in privacy. He felt shielded. Now you do not understand how both of your attitudes were affected, as the house itself changed and as it changed hands.

(Rather, I thought at least that my expression was one of rueful recollection and regret....)

It seemed to him that you were always going to leave your job one day and paint, but that day never came and the two of you were going to move one day, but that day never came, so he forced the one issue. In Florida he thought seriously of living there to make a move, but nothing came of it. Your discussion this evening at the table about finances led him deeper into those feelings he tries so hard to avoid. Here he was doing better than ever, with more money in the offing, and to what purpose? Nothing would ever change. He could not keep up financially, much less think of moving, so put it ahead in the future again.

Then he becomes angry when you say “Why don’t you make a decision?” He felt you were afraid to, and if he made one and it was wrong, he did not want to take the blame. So he felt in an impossible situation: and quite consciously, when he allowed himself to become aware of his thoughts. He is afraid of hurting you, of making you move, or making you cry.

Now. Through the years Ruburt has always been the one to watch the ads, at least in spurts, and watched your reaction.

You (me) (underlined) have a tendency to think in terms of obstacles. Ruburt allowed this to add to latent (underlined) characteristics of his own. Your joint ideas then prevented you from ever thinking creatively. You never thought that moving could be fun—and that is your reality. No one else created it.