“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now. It is the putting off of satisfactions that you want, always into the future. If you really do not care about the satisfactions they do not matter. If you constantly want them without making any conscious effort, then that involves a constant sense of stress.

To some considerable degree you have not been willing to count on yourself. You have negatively assumed that you could find nothing suitable—no place, that is—and resented the time involved. The change, the added space, for a while did help, you see. Ruburt does feel closed in; to some extent you also do —not free for example in the summer to take advantage of the yard—one minute example. But you live with some constant aggravation.

Now. Many of these characteristics are not particularly negative at all. For example, Ruburt never felt comfortable in the yard when [the] Spazianis and the neighborhood ladies gathered. Neither did you. The bushes at the side however, and the garden area, largely compensated, and the secret quality the corner had.

You particularly felt threatened. It would be foolish to the extreme to stay here when you are both consciously and unconsciously waiting for the bridge to be built. You felt your territory threatened as soon as the parking lot was thought of, and earlier when Spaziani first thought of selling the place.

Then he becomes angry when you say “Why don’t you make a decision?” He felt you were afraid to, and if he made one and it was wrong, he did not want to take the blame. So he felt in an impossible situation: and quite consciously, when he allowed himself to become aware of his thoughts. He is afraid of hurting you, of making you move, or making you cry.

It is composed of a conglomeration of quite conscious but unexamined, or rather unassembled, beliefs about yourselves, some quite contradictory, and your “place” in the world.