“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Any thoughts of moving were always put off, until a tomorrow that has not come. Beyond the early years he did little improving. He is highly sensitive to environment, and needs—(suddenly louder:) and do not frown, and keep writing. I am angry at both of you this evening. More at Ruburt, but I cannot yell at him—

These tendencies have been almost completely repressed. But, again, they are not unconscious. Ruburt felt disloyal thinking of them because such thoughts seemed to him to criticize your joint life style and purposes.

He went like a squirrel, trying to satisfy his love of environment, changing this place about in a fury of frustration, and finally gave it up. Briefly, the new environment next door aroused him, but the apartment, while representing expansion, as I told you then, also carried a built-in boomerang—the public hall, the lack of coordination, a divided place. Of course it had advantages, or you would not, either of you, have considered it.

Your resentment of Spaziani when he sold was projected upon him. It was anger mainly at yourself. You felt forced to stay. Other elements were involved, but the strength of your resentment, its charge, had to do with your own feelings about yourself and this place, as did Ruburt’s with Piper.

Now all of these issues made him more and more susceptible to certain influences that were in the house. The influences were not dangerous unless you were in the mental mood to be affected by them.

Your relationship at that time was very poor. I have given you material on it. It was a severe shock to him because of his earlier high dreams—and not to be smiled at. It frightened him.

The Seth Material hardcover did not financially change the situation that much, but his classes began to bring in money. The dream book’s failure was also important financially. The money itself meant little difference to him. Where he lives with you is highly important, and if you remember always has been.

When he decided to add to your establishment, his class did pick up, and has. He wanted to see if you could afford that much more rent, sure that if you realized it you (underlined) would see the light and decide to move. You were waiting for him to make such a decision. You both blamed circumstances, but also each other for the lack of initiative.

It seemed to him that you were always going to leave your job one day and paint, but that day never came and the two of you were going to move one day, but that day never came, so he forced the one issue. In Florida he thought seriously of living there to make a move, but nothing came of it. Your discussion this evening at the table about finances led him deeper into those feelings he tries so hard to avoid. Here he was doing better than ever, with more money in the offing, and to what purpose? Nothing would ever change. He could not keep up financially, much less think of moving, so put it ahead in the future again.

He often reads ads to you, testing your reaction. Only once did you take him up on this, so he felt you did not want to move. He is and has been terrified of making decisions where you are involved, because he feels you so resented your mother’s treatment of your father.

Now money for security he does want, but this he sees after the necessities are taken care of: a suitable environment. If he is not happy today, money in the bank is meaningless to him. He also felt that a house might interfere with your ideas of work—the added responsibility, and he kept that in mind.

This evening for example, your after-dinner conversation aroused Ruburt’s own fears, sent him into an emotional state in which he accepted them, used them, exaggerated even his desperation, hoping to force an answer.