“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He is in a state of frozen waiting, and all of the elements given in the past have applied. The environment has gone down; the garden apartment here that he once thought of no longer exists. He thought of this place as highly desirable once in social terms—the best place you had ever lived in together. As the neighborhood deteriorated he became more and more irate, as did you.

Any thoughts of moving were always put off, until a tomorrow that has not come. Beyond the early years he did little improving. He is highly sensitive to environment, and needs—(suddenly louder:) and do not frown, and keep writing. I am angry at both of you this evening. More at Ruburt, but I cannot yell at him—

Work is involved, in that Ruburt always expected you would move as soon as he made any amount of money at all. You have been also highly ambiguous in your own attitudes about your dwelling. He felt you would not do anything about it. He did nothing about it on his own, except finally to rent the other apartment, but he has been holding his breath quite literally, for some time.

Many then of the things that you want, quite normal things, have been always (underlined) projected into the future, which no matter how he works never comes. This also applies to you. It is simply not that much of a problem to move—to act, to make a change—it is not all that dangerous.

He feels that you should have also, or you should have been satisfied with your work, regardless, one way or the other. So the issue is highly charged whenever you discuss it, and on the few occasions when you have looked around.

In many ways you are as stubborn as he is—and regardless of what you thought, you complained quite constantly, both about the job, your own work, and your dwelling. But once set upon a course, you would not change it either, and Ruburt would have done anything to see you happy in that (underlined) regard.

He felt finally that at least if you worked full time for yourself that (underlined) complaint would be taken care of. He considered it a practical move in the physical universe, one of the few actual changes that either of you had decided to make in all that time.

He is afraid to move (underlined three times)—but he will also be excited. You are also afraid to move, and both of you are wary of fitting yourselves into a new environment, and in a small but significant way, of making a new personal world.

Ruburt is hardly able to do housework. He does not want to do it. It is his resentment against this apartment (5). This room (the living room) is the only one he regularly enters.

He went like a squirrel, trying to satisfy his love of environment, changing this place about in a fury of frustration, and finally gave it up. Briefly, the new environment next door aroused him, but the apartment, while representing expansion, as I told you then, also carried a built-in boomerang—the public hall, the lack of coordination, a divided place. Of course it had advantages, or you would not, either of you, have considered it.

Your resentment of Spaziani when he sold was projected upon him. It was anger mainly at yourself. You felt forced to stay. Other elements were involved, but the strength of your resentment, its charge, had to do with your own feelings about yourself and this place, as did Ruburt’s with Piper.

(Since I left Artistic last February, in other words. I also would like Seth to elaborate on the top paragraph on this page, about influences in the house. Is he saying that these influences were those indicated by Jane’s pendulum this evening?)

Now that you are here the relevance is important, but you do not have the built-up accumulation. At one time Ruburt could walk in the yard, you see, in privacy. He felt shielded. Now you do not understand how both of your attitudes were affected, as the house itself changed and as it changed hands.

You have private rooms now in a public area that becomes more public all the time, as tenants, strangers, move in and out. For a while the whole house had feelings of privacy when the same tenants, for example Lucy, were here for some time. With a change in tenants the halls for example become anonymous, all of these feelings strongly operate, and on both of your parts. Ruburt reacts physically, he waits physically. You do not feel safe to work.

Now in this structure everything else is aggravated—the feelings between you and Ruburt mentioned so often for example. You both feel hampered in love-making. He does not feel he can let go. To raise your voice, to express aggression when you feel it, becomes a cautious endeavor. In the past you felt surrounded at least by relative good will... changing tenants alters those feelings, however. You both resented it.

In the beginning he was caught between sheer fury and desperation. His first hardcover was out, and instead of changing the situation for the better he was faced with a job after writing full time.

The Seth Material hardcover did not financially change the situation that much, but his classes began to bring in money. The dream book’s failure was also important financially. The money itself meant little difference to him. Where he lives with you is highly important, and if you remember always has been.

When he decided to add to your establishment, his class did pick up, and has. He wanted to see if you could afford that much more rent, sure that if you realized it you (underlined) would see the light and decide to move. You were waiting for him to make such a decision. You both blamed circumstances, but also each other for the lack of initiative.

It seemed to him that you were always going to leave your job one day and paint, but that day never came and the two of you were going to move one day, but that day never came, so he forced the one issue. In Florida he thought seriously of living there to make a move, but nothing came of it. Your discussion this evening at the table about finances led him deeper into those feelings he tries so hard to avoid. Here he was doing better than ever, with more money in the offing, and to what purpose? Nothing would ever change. He could not keep up financially, much less think of moving, so put it ahead in the future again.

He often reads ads to you, testing your reaction. Only once did you take him up on this, so he felt you did not want to move. He is and has been terrified of making decisions where you are involved, because he feels you so resented your mother’s treatment of your father.

Then he becomes angry when you say “Why don’t you make a decision?” He felt you were afraid to, and if he made one and it was wrong, he did not want to take the blame. So he felt in an impossible situation: and quite consciously, when he allowed himself to become aware of his thoughts. He is afraid of hurting you, of making you move, or making you cry.

Now. Neither of you were ready to make such a physical change. Financially he could have, as you can now, but you were not willing to face the issues beneath. You would have moved out of resentment, feeling forced to, and not out of understanding.

Ruburt’s own fear, and fear for you, kept the material hidden; as did incidentally, the flood. It was simply an excuse in a way, but on the other hand Ruburt recognized the difficulties during that time. Also you both felt some loyalty to the house, and would not leave it in that condition. Ruburt does not think of money, but he can produce it with great facility—when he wants it for something, so he has been enraged at this useless money, in those terms.

Now money for security he does want, but this he sees after the necessities are taken care of: a suitable environment. If he is not happy today, money in the bank is meaningless to him. He also felt that a house might interfere with your ideas of work—the added responsibility, and he kept that in mind.

There is no doubt that it is easier for Ruburt to get clear information on others. This has to do with the mechanics of the mind. He is not involved in the same way with others. Even the information given to others, though it may be completely correct, will not be accepted unless they are ready for it. In this case the personality has to bypass itself as much as possible, and then hope for a clear-enough channel.

This evening for example, your after-dinner conversation aroused Ruburt’s own fears, sent him into an emotional state in which he accepted them, used them, exaggerated even his desperation, hoping to force an answer.

It was never enthusiastic, and you never suggested checking on the places listed. When he did so he did it on his own, and you did not seem enthusiastic at all.