“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We used this shower for years. The only thing we knew about it was, after all, talk that the owner had installed it for therapeutic relief from arthritis. We had no idea if Jane’s pendulum data was the magic we were looking for, but at least we hadn’t considered this idea before. It sounded too simple to me at first, but still....

Any thoughts of moving were always put off, until a tomorrow that has not come. Beyond the early years he did little improving. He is highly sensitive to environment, and needs—(suddenly louder:) and do not frown, and keep writing. I am angry at both of you this evening. More at Ruburt, but I cannot yell at him—

Now there were unfortunate aspects to which you both did react, but in the beginning there were compensating factors in the beauty of the environment, the whole view. I did encourage you to move at one time.

Work is involved, in that Ruburt always expected you would move as soon as he made any amount of money at all. You have been also highly ambiguous in your own attitudes about your dwelling. He felt you would not do anything about it. He did nothing about it on his own, except finally to rent the other apartment, but he has been holding his breath quite literally, for some time.

To some considerable degree you have not been willing to count on yourself. You have negatively assumed that you could find nothing suitable—no place, that is—and resented the time involved. The change, the added space, for a while did help, you see. Ruburt does feel closed in; to some extent you also do —not free for example in the summer to take advantage of the yard—one minute example. But you live with some constant aggravation.

The two apartments helped, but in a way there is less privacy because of the public hall, you see. You have used your dwelling place as a symbol then, which is why it becomes important. Otherwise it would not be an issue. Ruburt has strongly held down any tendencies through the years to spend any money, small as it might be, in decorating, buying furniture, simply because of your joint attitudes, the feeling of transition.

These tendencies have been almost completely repressed. But, again, they are not unconscious. Ruburt felt disloyal thinking of them because such thoughts seemed to him to criticize your joint life style and purposes.

In many ways you are as stubborn as he is—and regardless of what you thought, you complained quite constantly, both about the job, your own work, and your dwelling. But once set upon a course, you would not change it either, and Ruburt would have done anything to see you happy in that (underlined) regard.

In your present dwelling there are many obvious issues. The two tiny kitchens show clearly that the nourishment of food has been given the last spot, in both of your lives. Ruburt simply carried it to the extreme, but the inclination is obvious in your dwelling.

He is afraid to move (underlined three times)—but he will also be excited. You are also afraid to move, and both of you are wary of fitting yourselves into a new environment, and in a small but significant way, of making a new personal world.

He went like a squirrel, trying to satisfy his love of environment, changing this place about in a fury of frustration, and finally gave it up. Briefly, the new environment next door aroused him, but the apartment, while representing expansion, as I told you then, also carried a built-in boomerang—the public hall, the lack of coordination, a divided place. Of course it had advantages, or you would not, either of you, have considered it.

Your resentment of Spaziani when he sold was projected upon him. It was anger mainly at yourself. You felt forced to stay. Other elements were involved, but the strength of your resentment, its charge, had to do with your own feelings about yourself and this place, as did Ruburt’s with Piper.

There were a series of seemingly innocuous desires, but forever put off, it seemed. Now with people who have many other sources of amusement, occupation, family gatherings and social episodes, such things do not have such meaning. Most of your contacts are professional; you both work at home. The environment therefore becomes highly important, as the living medium in which you work. This is one reason why you were not as affected as Ruburt, because you were away from the environment part of the day. Do you follow me?

Now that you are here the relevance is important, but you do not have the built-up accumulation. At one time Ruburt could walk in the yard, you see, in privacy. He felt shielded. Now you do not understand how both of your attitudes were affected, as the house itself changed and as it changed hands.

The Seth Material hardcover did not financially change the situation that much, but his classes began to bring in money. The dream book’s failure was also important financially. The money itself meant little difference to him. Where he lives with you is highly important, and if you remember always has been.

When he decided to add to your establishment, his class did pick up, and has. He wanted to see if you could afford that much more rent, sure that if you realized it you (underlined) would see the light and decide to move. You were waiting for him to make such a decision. You both blamed circumstances, but also each other for the lack of initiative.

It seemed to him that you were always going to leave your job one day and paint, but that day never came and the two of you were going to move one day, but that day never came, so he forced the one issue. In Florida he thought seriously of living there to make a move, but nothing came of it. Your discussion this evening at the table about finances led him deeper into those feelings he tries so hard to avoid. Here he was doing better than ever, with more money in the offing, and to what purpose? Nothing would ever change. He could not keep up financially, much less think of moving, so put it ahead in the future again.

Now. Neither of you were ready to make such a physical change. Financially he could have, as you can now, but you were not willing to face the issues beneath. You would have moved out of resentment, feeling forced to, and not out of understanding.

Ruburt’s own fear, and fear for you, kept the material hidden; as did incidentally, the flood. It was simply an excuse in a way, but on the other hand Ruburt recognized the difficulties during that time. Also you both felt some loyalty to the house, and would not leave it in that condition. Ruburt does not think of money, but he can produce it with great facility—when he wants it for something, so he has been enraged at this useless money, in those terms.

Now money for security he does want, but this he sees after the necessities are taken care of: a suitable environment. If he is not happy today, money in the bank is meaningless to him. He also felt that a house might interfere with your ideas of work—the added responsibility, and he kept that in mind.

The pendulum work and the ideas on the part of the intuitive self began the process, but then the emotional state had to be quieted from a peak condition in order for the session to proceed.

Trips (vacations) were meaningless in the context. They had nothing to do with moving. You knew you would return. Not only that but if you spent much money the possibility of moving diminished.

It is composed of a conglomeration of quite conscious but unexamined, or rather unassembled, beliefs about yourselves, some quite contradictory, and your “place” in the world.