“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Any thoughts of moving were always put off, until a tomorrow that has not come. Beyond the early years he did little improving. He is highly sensitive to environment, and needs—(suddenly louder:) and do not frown, and keep writing. I am angry at both of you this evening. More at Ruburt, but I cannot yell at him—

Now. It is the putting off of satisfactions that you want, always into the future. If you really do not care about the satisfactions they do not matter. If you constantly want them without making any conscious effort, then that involves a constant sense of stress.

Work is involved, in that Ruburt always expected you would move as soon as he made any amount of money at all. You have been also highly ambiguous in your own attitudes about your dwelling. He felt you would not do anything about it. He did nothing about it on his own, except finally to rent the other apartment, but he has been holding his breath quite literally, for some time.

To some considerable degree you have not been willing to count on yourself. You have negatively assumed that you could find nothing suitable—no place, that is—and resented the time involved. The change, the added space, for a while did help, you see. Ruburt does feel closed in; to some extent you also do —not free for example in the summer to take advantage of the yard—one minute example. But you live with some constant aggravation.

Now you are both creatures of habit, wanting feelings of security in which to work. Otherwise you would have moved a long time ago. Because you have no family you do respond with and to your environment strongly, and that response colors your health and your work.

Without understanding however you can simply project all the problems. In your case a move would have such drastic connotations, and be so symbolic, that its beneficial nature is assured. Your not moving symbolically represents your not doing many things—your not facing many issues.

Ruburt is hardly able to do housework. He does not want to do it. It is his resentment against this apartment (5). This room (the living room) is the only one he regularly enters.

Your resentment of Spaziani when he sold was projected upon him. It was anger mainly at yourself. You felt forced to stay. Other elements were involved, but the strength of your resentment, its charge, had to do with your own feelings about yourself and this place, as did Ruburt’s with Piper.

Leonard made a home here, and Ruburt for all of his disdain with Leonard’s taste, was furious at taking Leonard’s discard. Yet it always seemed impractical to do anything here, since surely you were both going to move.

There were a series of seemingly innocuous desires, but forever put off, it seemed. Now with people who have many other sources of amusement, occupation, family gatherings and social episodes, such things do not have such meaning. Most of your contacts are professional; you both work at home. The environment therefore becomes highly important, as the living medium in which you work. This is one reason why you were not as affected as Ruburt, because you were away from the environment part of the day. Do you follow me?

Now that you are here the relevance is important, but you do not have the built-up accumulation. At one time Ruburt could walk in the yard, you see, in privacy. He felt shielded. Now you do not understand how both of your attitudes were affected, as the house itself changed and as it changed hands.

You have private rooms now in a public area that becomes more public all the time, as tenants, strangers, move in and out. For a while the whole house had feelings of privacy when the same tenants, for example Lucy, were here for some time. With a change in tenants the halls for example become anonymous, all of these feelings strongly operate, and on both of your parts. Ruburt reacts physically, he waits physically. You do not feel safe to work.

It seemed to him that you were always going to leave your job one day and paint, but that day never came and the two of you were going to move one day, but that day never came, so he forced the one issue. In Florida he thought seriously of living there to make a move, but nothing came of it. Your discussion this evening at the table about finances led him deeper into those feelings he tries so hard to avoid. Here he was doing better than ever, with more money in the offing, and to what purpose? Nothing would ever change. He could not keep up financially, much less think of moving, so put it ahead in the future again.

There is no doubt that it is easier for Ruburt to get clear information on others. This has to do with the mechanics of the mind. He is not involved in the same way with others. Even the information given to others, though it may be completely correct, will not be accepted unless they are ready for it. In this case the personality has to bypass itself as much as possible, and then hope for a clear-enough channel.

There has been deep resentment here, and on both of your parts, having to do with decision making, and misunderstandings. Now you may take a break or end the session as you prefer.

Trips (vacations) were meaningless in the context. They had nothing to do with moving. You knew you would return. Not only that but if you spent much money the possibility of moving diminished.

And do not be overly harsh on yourselves, as you both have an unfortunate tendency to do so.