“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now as usual with this kind of session, we will work into what we want to say. And your reasons (for the symptoms of the last two months or so) will be given this evening.

Now. When Ruburt had outside jobs he used encounters with others to take up the slack that existed between his emotional nature and your own. When he worked at home the differences in your temperaments became more noticeable. He was also extremely concerned that he learn to discipline himself—now that he had an entire day, and to prove to you his appreciation of the fact that you were still working out.

When the two of you could work together, he thought, all that would change. You would have time to work and play. You would be more emotionally demonstrative, freed from your job. His work would bear more and more the burden of his needs, and take up the emotional slack that was now apparent. It had to be everything, then. The more you two communicate in the way I mentioned, the less the pressure is in the work area.

(Now in an aside Seth told me there were many “strings” to the material; that it seemed to come “sideways,” but that it would all come together.)

In the meantime—now, another string—he felt the need again to come closer to you, and you ended up eating over there (Apartment 5). He had decided because of your more frequent demonstrations of love that he must try again for the emotional rapport with you that was so important.

As he discovered today when he looked into a mirror, he was comparing his image now to what it had been several years ago literally—not only in terms of symptoms, you see. In an odd way he also thought, because of that, that you were constantly comparing him now with a 5-or-10-year earlier self.

He made the bed that day. Usually he would think of how slow and clumsy he was, and if you were waiting or watching how impatient you might be. That day, he thought “After Rob seeing how I really am in the morning—if he saw me now he would see how much better I am,” and he felt proud of doing what he was doing as well as he could.

“I can walk normally.” Now that kind of a suggestion, automatically with Ruburt, brings up inner responses, arguments and contradictions with experience on a physical level. “I can walk easier,” does not.

Now: This is not as rambling as it may seem. I take it for granted that you understand the jumps in time. This was merely to remind you of certain continuities without going over events already mentioned—so going back to the point in time mentioned earlier in tonight’s session: when Dialogues was finished Ruburt tried it out on Prentice, and felt briefly that Tam might take it. Even then there was talk from a time earlier about a paperback deal. This had excited Ruburt, as had the Dialogues possibility. Both fell through.

After Eleanor’s refusal Ruburt was left with Rich Bed. Now this is his projection, and one he only realized at break: he felt that any incomplete manuscripts were indications of a waste of time, and that you thought he should publish everything he wrote, and that an unpublished manuscript was a blot of sorts. You often mentioned Dreams for example, when he was only too willing to forget it. So he felt guilty about Rich Bed even though it wasn’t finished.

Later now, in the last period of time, when Eleanor heard that Ruburt had sent the outline of a new book, Aspects, to Tam, she astounded Ruburt by remarks of great regret, and implications that Ruburt had made an error. Ruburt was quite surprised, since Eleanor had not suggested before that a manuscript not be sent to Prentice.

All of a sudden he was told to hold off, and literally to him, not to act. In fact, what was specifically requested was nonaction. Now for the reasons given, and the developments earlier tonight, all of those issues met, since Eleanor’s previous visit.

Remembering your past ideas toward Prentice, he wondered, regardless of what you said, if you thought he should stay with them. He was very afraid of losing a contract with Prentice for Aspects, and a Bantam contract, while waiting around for another arrangement. At the same time he was afraid of making demands at Prentice for fear he would discover that they didn’t care if he stayed or not. Feeling that way he still went ahead on his own, and felt happily vindicated. The whole affair, with his reactions now, still had him at the point where he did not think he could physically recover, and he was caught in a panic that he tried to hide from you.

Ruburt felt his consciousness more powerfully in almost any other area. It has been difficult for him to accept the fact that the mind literally controls the body. He now sees that he must exert his abilities in that direction, and your own understanding of the issue in that area will be of help to him.

Now that is the end of the session for tonight. Your own actions, plus the new insight Ruburt is gaining, will serve as your start. I bid you a fond good evening.