“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

For reasons already given, both of you later fell down. Sumari, and even Oversoul Seven, sprang into being as a result of the emotional rapport that existed between you just prior. When Seven was finished Dialogues began, and our book was in process. Ruburt was encouraged to express his feeling, and emotionally. This gave him some freedom.

He felt he did not know much, but that he knew more in ways important to him than these people did. They were coming to him when he so desperately had wanted to join them, thinking that his idealized, youthful hopes would there find fruition.

This immediately brought certain aspects to light that had been hidden to some extent while you were more physically separated. Some of this has to do, again, with the fact that you thought your concern automatically expressed your love. You were together more. When you saw him try to get up he knew you loved him, but the frown was what he saw. He was always trying to hide from you. Part of it was his projection because he felt you thought he was so stupid for having anything wrong at all, so the more he saw you frown the stupider he felt, and the more guilty. And the more he tried to hide his condition.

Both of you at times do. In your particular personal relationship Ruburt began to feel that when you looked at him you were comparing him precisely with “that perfect physical self” that seemingly so eluded him, and in the face of that image, any improvement at all began to seem so insignificant as to be meaningless.

They were discarded as falsehoods. Regardless of your love, when you looked at him he often saw disapproval. By then this place (Apartment 4) represented isolation and retreat from your relationship’s fulfillment in line with what it had meant earlier, and his decision to come out with you again (into Apartment 5).

As he discovered today when he looked into a mirror, he was comparing his image now to what it had been several years ago literally—not only in terms of symptoms, you see. In an odd way he also thought, because of that, that you were constantly comparing him now with a 5-or-10-year earlier self.

Your own reactions since our last session are excellent. Ruburt felt, finally, that you saw him at his worst in the morning, and did not turn away from his as some crooked, broken, grotesque physical person. That was what he was afraid of in the light of your perfectionist tendencies. In a strange way he was relieved; seeing what he has been trying to hide, he feels, will give the both of you a basis from which you can operate, in which any improvements are appreciated.

In any suggestions used then, use the terms improvement, or better and better, for example. That gives him leeway. “I can walk with greater ease. I can get up easier and easier. I can be more physically vigorous.” That sort of thing when you use physical suggestions, rather than the use of words that seem like absolutes, where comparisons are involved almost automatically between a given situation and a desired one.

You said “I think you can perform 50% better than you are doing, if you realize it.” That kind of suggestion is good. It arouses and stimulates activity without causing him to compare his experience with what is to him an ideal. Take your break.

To him, Dialogues had to be published at once. When Eleanor came back onto the picture, the time before this last visit, there was also a trip to Rochester preceding it. Here was Eleanor again, saying, “Save me Bed,” and even speaking of Dialogues while in no position to accept them. Here again, more strongly, were hints that Eleanor could do more than Prentice.

All of a sudden he was told to hold off, and literally to him, not to act. In fact, what was specifically requested was nonaction. Now for the reasons given, and the developments earlier tonight, all of those issues met, since Eleanor’s previous visit.

The entire idea of changing houses involved treachery to him, as he interpreted it—Eleanor’s remarks, that is, implied moral dishonesty, Yet still he was tempted, mainly because he wondered if Prentice was taking advantage of him.

Often he has inhibited physical feelings of love for you, for reasons given, but the other night he did not. You obvious love of him came through strongly, and rearroused him.

Remembering your past ideas toward Prentice, he wondered, regardless of what you said, if you thought he should stay with them. He was very afraid of losing a contract with Prentice for Aspects, and a Bantam contract, while waiting around for another arrangement. At the same time he was afraid of making demands at Prentice for fear he would discover that they didn’t care if he stayed or not. Feeling that way he still went ahead on his own, and felt happily vindicated. The whole affair, with his reactions now, still had him at the point where he did not think he could physically recover, and he was caught in a panic that he tried to hide from you.

Ruburt felt his consciousness more powerfully in almost any other area. It has been difficult for him to accept the fact that the mind literally controls the body. He now sees that he must exert his abilities in that direction, and your own understanding of the issue in that area will be of help to him.

It was not that he didn’t accept the responsibility so much as that, in that weakest area, he did not realize the strength of his own conscious thoughts to alter the body mechanism. You can help him most by lovingly reminding him of that.