“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Both of you were sure of your love, but each of you at various times were quite willing to let its personal aspects take second place, and I am not speaking alone of physical love-making. When Ruburt took this place (Apartment 4) he was about ready to say, “All right, we will be work partners.” Then you responded with the display of love and devotion, plus a definite program, embarked upon together.

(Now in an aside Seth told me there were many “strings” to the material; that it seemed to come “sideways,” but that it would all come together.)

Yet these people were coming to Ruburt because of his psychic work, and his psychically inspired writing. Eleanor, he discovered, was anything but his idealized concept of a literary editor. This was a shock. From the time Eleanor came she spoke with the words of Ruburt’s past, glowingly presenting the possibility of purely literary success, prestige, and cash.

He felt he did not know much, but that he knew more in ways important to him than these people did. They were coming to him when he so desperately had wanted to join them, thinking that his idealized, youthful hopes would there find fruition.

Yet for the entire time he began to wonder, regardless, about his position at Prentice. Was he being taken for a fool? Should he have changed to another publisher? But this meant in his case: should he try to exclusively be the literary person again? Yet he found that these people wanted his psychic work most of all. And that while they appreciated his other work, his main value in their eyes lay precisely in the field that he thought would mean nothing to them.

In the meantime our books began to do well financially. These people, he felt, were not the romantic artists he had dreamed of, but sometimes very calculating, and would blemish an artistic product with what he believed to be moral incompetence.

Seven represented the same kind of synthesis, and these were both Jane-type productions. After these Ruburt could not make up his mind. If you did not really approve of Prentice as a publisher, then he wondered seriously whether he should follow through with a new house, and with the hopes that Eleanor offered. You typed my book, and I appreciate the work and the reasons, but Ruburt felt it was also because you did not trust Prentice, and always that you thought another publisher would do a better job overall.

This immediately brought certain aspects to light that had been hidden to some extent while you were more physically separated. Some of this has to do, again, with the fact that you thought your concern automatically expressed your love. You were together more. When you saw him try to get up he knew you loved him, but the frown was what he saw. He was always trying to hide from you. Part of it was his projection because he felt you thought he was so stupid for having anything wrong at all, so the more he saw you frown the stupider he felt, and the more guilty. And the more he tried to hide his condition.

Both of you have strong perfectionist tendencies, and they are used most constructively as a rule in your works. But you cannot apply them to people. Period.

Eleanor, who professed such greater literary understanding and appreciation for Dialogues, in her turn refused it as well, and also Rich Bed. Ruburt never thought Tam had any great understanding of poetry; but what good did Eleanor’s “superior” appreciation do if the book was refused after such compliments?

Often he has inhibited physical feelings of love for you, for reasons given, but the other night he did not. You obvious love of him came through strongly, and rearroused him.