“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Your own reactions since our last session are excellent. Ruburt felt, finally, that you saw him at his worst in the morning, and did not turn away from his as some crooked, broken, grotesque physical person. That was what he was afraid of in the light of your perfectionist tendencies. In a strange way he was relieved; seeing what he has been trying to hide, he feels, will give the both of you a basis from which you can operate, in which any improvements are appreciated.

All of the decisions he made, finally, were good ones from all viewpoints. In the meantime however, because of these issues all meeting, and his reactions as given, his condition worsened. The momentary feeling of powerlessness in the business area added to the physical sense of powerlessness. He was simply afraid that he could not improve.

Remembering your past ideas toward Prentice, he wondered, regardless of what you said, if you thought he should stay with them. He was very afraid of losing a contract with Prentice for Aspects, and a Bantam contract, while waiting around for another arrangement. At the same time he was afraid of making demands at Prentice for fear he would discover that they didn’t care if he stayed or not. Feeling that way he still went ahead on his own, and felt happily vindicated. The whole affair, with his reactions now, still had him at the point where he did not think he could physically recover, and he was caught in a panic that he tried to hide from you.

The morning episodes are directly related to the fact lately that he grew to doubt his ability to recover, and face each morning the prospect of a day in which he tried to hide those feelings from himself and from you. The hallway between the bedroom and the bath became, symbolically, the hallway to physical activity through which he was afraid he could not pass, and through whose portals he must go alone, since he did not want to burden you with his despondency over it.