“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He was so direct emotionally that he idealized what he thought of as your relative detachment. This of course is old. At one time he felt his emotional spontaneity was indeed admired by you and encouraged, and he blossomed. Then he felt it threatened you—that it would form a barrier between you. He felt that you thought he wanted more than you could give—or wanted to give, practically speaking.

He believed that emotional freedom would be construed as chaos, that while you said be spontaneous, you meant “Be spontaneous when it is convenient.” Beside the personality differences, however, work was also involved. Spontaneous love-making for example would cut into the work schedule that both of you had evolved.

All of this is old, yet the patterns began strongly then. He felt that his obvious femininity was almost a threat to both of your works, that he had no right to look sexy and tempt you both when spontaneous love play, for example, would not occur. He remembers you telling him not to kiss you or be sexually provocative unless he meant it.

Now: Ruburt’s work therefore became more and more important. It had to justify the lack of spontaneity in personal areas, and the same always applied to you. For a while at least he felt you met only in your work, and in the sessions.

Spontaneity, except in work, has been largely closed out of your lives, but it is to him unnatural. Spontaneous trips are in the same category, regardless now of the physical difficulty. Your way of life has been more natural to you than to Ruburt. The classes afford him some spontaneity.

Strangely enough, in encouraging his spontaneity you are encouraging your own, because often he acts for both of you. It is futile to say that life should not involve challenges. You have accepted them. They are accepted to be solved. You are seeing what happens when spontaneity becomes hampered through beliefs, and in your early life you believed you must hamper it in yourself. You are seeing what happened to your brothers. You are seeing what happened to your father.

There will be questions you have then that are not answered this evening. In the meantime follow the few suggestions given, and in whatever way you can, express your own spontaneous feelings toward Ruburt.... On his part, he must make an effort to rise above the reinforced feelings of despair, and to assure himself that his body can perform adequately with time, and following these suggestions.