“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now: While Ruburt is not a child he operates emotionally with a child’s simplicity, and is at his best in direct personal encounter with you or with his friends, for example. With the same directness he does not want anything to do with people he dislikes, for whatever reason.

He was so direct emotionally that he idealized what he thought of as your relative detachment. This of course is old. At one time he felt his emotional spontaneity was indeed admired by you and encouraged, and he blossomed. Then he felt it threatened you—that it would form a barrier between you. He felt that you thought he wanted more than you could give—or wanted to give, practically speaking.

All of this is old, yet the patterns began strongly then. He felt that his obvious femininity was almost a threat to both of your works, that he had no right to look sexy and tempt you both when spontaneous love play, for example, would not occur. He remembers you telling him not to kiss you or be sexually provocative unless he meant it.

He felt it unfair to keep at you for emotional expression of love through verbalization and touch when it was not natural to you. In self-protection he tried to become the same way, to inhibit his sexuality because of what he thought of as your temperamental differences, and also because of the work schedule interruptions.

Now. In the past, not too distant, you often met his advances coldly whenever he did decide to try again. I can give you instances if you want them.

Now there are reasons—you have stated them well—for ambiguities of feeling on your part about Ruburt’s condition. They are understandable. You make an effort to tell him he looks well on occasion, but stroking his body tells him you love it—frowning at him does not.

In a way both interpretations are correct, though because of his position he is more apt to project negatives on you. Rest your hand.

The information is all available but you are physically hampered in time, so I will clear up any points later and amplify. Because you are not in his position you are presently able to help him when he falters, to help him help himself. And you help—consistently—in a consistent program itself assures him that you do want him to be himself.

You are “above” some of his hassles, but familiar with them, so you can help by offering encouragement precisely when he is down. If his “downness” depresses you, as is natural, imagine how much more it depresses him, and try then to find your own footing.

Strangely enough, in encouraging his spontaneity you are encouraging your own, because often he acts for both of you. It is futile to say that life should not involve challenges. You have accepted them. They are accepted to be solved. You are seeing what happens when spontaneity becomes hampered through beliefs, and in your early life you believed you must hamper it in yourself. You are seeing what happened to your brothers. You are seeing what happened to your father.

Suggestions can change beliefs, for beliefs are only accepted habitual suggestions. When you use so-called positive suggestions you must implement them through action, but gently. You have each been structuring your experience largely through Ruburt’s symptoms—both of you, so that when Ruburt might momentarily feel free you would remind him of his limitations, and when you might forget them Ruburt would remind you.

Now. I want Ruburt to keep a pendulum by the bed. In the morning suggestions given with the pendulum, and both of you participating. He is not to feel ashamed of his body in your eyes, regardless of its condition. Again, in one night I can only give you so much, but he grew afraid, and you helped him today to combat that fear: He was frightened that the body could not change, and your belief that it could was of great help.

There will be questions you have then that are not answered this evening. In the meantime follow the few suggestions given, and in whatever way you can, express your own spontaneous feelings toward Ruburt.... On his part, he must make an effort to rise above the reinforced feelings of despair, and to assure himself that his body can perform adequately with time, and following these suggestions.