“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

All of this is old, yet the patterns began strongly then. He felt that his obvious femininity was almost a threat to both of your works, that he had no right to look sexy and tempt you both when spontaneous love play, for example, would not occur. He remembers you telling him not to kiss you or be sexually provocative unless he meant it.

By nature he deals directly with people or events. When he feels that this is impossible and tries to do otherwise, he runs into difficulty. Because you are only now learning to verbalize your feelings, this means that he felt, particularly in the past, that you dealt with him opaquely in an area in which he did not know how to cope.

Lately he was convinced that he was unattractive to you from the face down, that you considered him stupid, as he did, while having physical difficulty; that you were a perfectionist and did not want to see crooked legs—that physically, not mentally, he got in your way, and that physically you did not look upon him with approval, as he did not.

Now there are reasons—you have stated them well—for ambiguities of feeling on your part about Ruburt’s condition. They are understandable. You make an effort to tell him he looks well on occasion, but stroking his body tells him you love it—frowning at him does not.

To him it was a direct action taken against something that annoyed him—the dust—an act of independence since he did it, and a symbolic clearing away of inner debris. To completely redecorate and rearrange your apartment would represent a symbolic and literal statement. At least you would be perfecting what you have, and taking steps within that framework, freely redecorating creatively, changing your environment instead of squawking while staying. Yet he is sure you would consider it a vast annoying distraction, even though not as annoying as moving. But he has not felt free to go ahead in either direction.

Spontaneity, except in work, has been largely closed out of your lives, but it is to him unnatural. Spontaneous trips are in the same category, regardless now of the physical difficulty. Your way of life has been more natural to you than to Ruburt. The classes afford him some spontaneity.

At the same time he thinks of the two of you together. Anything you do as partners excites him. Any time you initiate a program to help him he is excited. When you do not continue it he is afraid that you are not willing to take the consequences, while you interpret the discontinuation to mean he does not want to improve.

(Once again, Jane wrote upon reading the session: “If I’ve been afraid of letting R see me at my worst, don’t be afraid of letting him see me at my best.” And: “I didn’t think R thought sugg. worked—any more—either!”)

The information is all available but you are physically hampered in time, so I will clear up any points later and amplify. Because you are not in his position you are presently able to help him when he falters, to help him help himself. And you help—consistently—in a consistent program itself assures him that you do want him to be himself.

You are “above” some of his hassles, but familiar with them, so you can help by offering encouragement precisely when he is down. If his “downness” depresses you, as is natural, imagine how much more it depresses him, and try then to find your own footing.

Suggestions can change beliefs, for beliefs are only accepted habitual suggestions. When you use so-called positive suggestions you must implement them through action, but gently. You have each been structuring your experience largely through Ruburt’s symptoms—both of you, so that when Ruburt might momentarily feel free you would remind him of his limitations, and when you might forget them Ruburt would remind you.

Now. I want Ruburt to keep a pendulum by the bed. In the morning suggestions given with the pendulum, and both of you participating. He is not to feel ashamed of his body in your eyes, regardless of its condition. Again, in one night I can only give you so much, but he grew afraid, and you helped him today to combat that fear: He was frightened that the body could not change, and your belief that it could was of great help.