“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt is not a child, but you often do think that your concern automatically expresses your love, and take it for granted that to Ruburt that is clear. While he tells himself that your concern is based on love, and knows it, he felt that love for example last night through feel and touch.

He was so direct emotionally that he idealized what he thought of as your relative detachment. This of course is old. At one time he felt his emotional spontaneity was indeed admired by you and encouraged, and he blossomed. Then he felt it threatened you—that it would form a barrier between you. He felt that you thought he wanted more than you could give—or wanted to give, practically speaking.

All of this is old, yet the patterns began strongly then. He felt that his obvious femininity was almost a threat to both of your works, that he had no right to look sexy and tempt you both when spontaneous love play, for example, would not occur. He remembers you telling him not to kiss you or be sexually provocative unless he meant it.

By nature he deals directly with people or events. When he feels that this is impossible and tries to do otherwise, he runs into difficulty. Because you are only now learning to verbalize your feelings, this means that he felt, particularly in the past, that you dealt with him opaquely in an area in which he did not know how to cope.

He felt it unfair to keep at you for emotional expression of love through verbalization and touch when it was not natural to you. In self-protection he tried to become the same way, to inhibit his sexuality because of what he thought of as your temperamental differences, and also because of the work schedule interruptions.

Now: Ruburt’s work therefore became more and more important. It had to justify the lack of spontaneity in personal areas, and the same always applied to you. For a while at least he felt you met only in your work, and in the sessions.

To him it was a direct action taken against something that annoyed him—the dust—an act of independence since he did it, and a symbolic clearing away of inner debris. To completely redecorate and rearrange your apartment would represent a symbolic and literal statement. At least you would be perfecting what you have, and taking steps within that framework, freely redecorating creatively, changing your environment instead of squawking while staying. Yet he is sure you would consider it a vast annoying distraction, even though not as annoying as moving. But he has not felt free to go ahead in either direction.