“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This material is deleted from the 585th session for May 12, 1971. Here are a few details of my own cold-like symptoms which began on Tuesday night, May 4, and which Seth discusses below. I had already received some insight on the problem by using the pendulum, but by tonight, Wednesday, felt exhausted by the symptoms.

(The pendulum told me that I was bothered by the idea of the possible lack of permanency of the panel I had chosen, and briefly that I was somewhat aware of the change in this picture, as far as handling of form would be concerned, from my usual style of working. I told none of this to Jane at the time. I thought I had resolved the problem, but when the symptoms continued during Jane’s ESP class Tuesday night, I realized I was wrong—the problem had not been cleared up.

(I felt much better while out working Wednesday morning, but the symptoms returned again Wednesday afternoon when I again tackled the project in the studio. I became angry and half disgusted, and began to realize that I would probably have to abandon the painting, since I wasn’t resolving the problems. I was afraid that once the symptoms persisted for another day or so, I would have a cold or some such thing to handle, and that days could be spent clearing it up. I didn’t ask Seth to clear anything. I was also struck by my reaction to the whole development, and couldn’t help comparing my reaction to Jane’s reaction to her own symptoms. I wanted out after a day of unease, but her symptoms had persisted now for several years. I felt intuitively that both sets of symptoms represented doing things that encountered resistance; my own symptoms seemed very instructive in this respect.

(When I began to learn about my own symptoms, I started taking steps whereby I could present the same idea—of a man facing himself—in other ways, and shortly evolved several quite acceptable ways, that were in harmony with my ideas of pictorial form, permanence, etc. This experience was quite revealing. It taught me to consider all portions of the personality—its needs, desires, creative drives and expressions, etc., and I intuitively linked this up with Jane’s problems. It began to seem very clear to me that this was what she must do.

There will be no problem however as you become aware of these connections. You looked for great order, to create in painting an ordered universe, to find perfection that ideally you felt should be in the exterior world, and yet was lacking. You discovered that order itself springs from spontaneity, and this is your first real attempt to bring the two together. Do you have any questions?

(In the meantime, I told myself I would know how to proceed with painting; the result is that I returned to a small portrait I began several months ago, and left unfinished while I tackled some other problems. With this decision I feel I am back on a kind of track that will lead to more developments; some of these developments may possibly include the kind of painting that triggered the episode; if so, if compatible, all to the good. Whatever happens, much was learned and will be put to use.

A vacation in any case is needed, quite naturally. He need not plunge into another contract, for example. Rigidity of attitude, setting up either/ors, is a problem, and you can help him recognize when he does this.