“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I felt much better while out working Wednesday morning, but the symptoms returned again Wednesday afternoon when I again tackled the project in the studio. I became angry and half disgusted, and began to realize that I would probably have to abandon the painting, since I wasn’t resolving the problems. I was afraid that once the symptoms persisted for another day or so, I would have a cold or some such thing to handle, and that days could be spent clearing it up. I didn’t ask Seth to clear anything. I was also struck by my reaction to the whole development, and couldn’t help comparing my reaction to Jane’s reaction to her own symptoms. I wanted out after a day of unease, but her symptoms had persisted now for several years. I felt intuitively that both sets of symptoms represented doing things that encountered resistance; my own symptoms seemed very instructive in this respect.

(That a part of her did and does welcome the sessions and is indeed responsible for them, is not as important as that all elements of her personality respond to whatever she does in a positive way. As long as the symptoms last, it is a sign that all is not well. Changes are coming; they must; I don’t believe they can be anything but for the better. There will probably be more to say on this later. I didn’t plan particularly to ask Seth about any of this tonight; I was angry at myself and not in the mood to delve into anything, actually.

(This is an admirable acceptance on Seth’s part of whatever developments occur. He is probably more acutely aware of possibilities than I am, although I have been turning them over at a great rate lately. Some things are bound to be changed, I feel. It’s too early for decisions to be given here, and perhaps no hard and fast rules are needed... but some changes in attitudes are, certainly. I don’t mind stating that I felt sadness now as I contemplated some of the alternatives I’d been entertaining lately.)