“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Part of the creed involved Jane’s listing what bothered her—indeed, it would end up covering all essential points in our lives, and I hoped would act as a guide and reminder. I was now beginning to feel that none of us were all powerful, and would have to live within whatever limits and capabilities we could handle. In short, there might be certain things that, even though we could do them, we might better not do, in order to maintain overall balance, health, etc. Which is another way of saying that we could accomplish our ends by perhaps slightly different methods.

(When I began to learn about my own symptoms, I started taking steps whereby I could present the same idea—of a man facing himself—in other ways, and shortly evolved several quite acceptable ways, that were in harmony with my ideas of pictorial form, permanence, etc. This experience was quite revealing. It taught me to consider all portions of the personality—its needs, desires, creative drives and expressions, etc., and I intuitively linked this up with Jane’s problems. It began to seem very clear to me that this was what she must do.

(Elements of the creed would consider whether she should have these sessions, whether they should be public or merely private, whether they should be published now or later, or never, etc. I was, and am, anxious to do anything that will help, and will feel no regrets. Jane has already learned that she doesn’t want to do merely psychic, Seth books, like the Edgar Cayce series, for instance—from her own work on the creed. She wants to, and needs to, do work in which she is her own creator, and goes through the creative process from start to finish consciously, etc. It doesn’t really matter that the Seth material is excellent, etc. What counts is her reaction to it, and the symptoms, as far as I can tell at this time, are all too clear a sign of her reaction to it—at least an important part of her is reacting this way.

(That a part of her did and does welcome the sessions and is indeed responsible for them, is not as important as that all elements of her personality respond to whatever she does in a positive way. As long as the symptoms last, it is a sign that all is not well. Changes are coming; they must; I don’t believe they can be anything but for the better. There will probably be more to say on this later. I didn’t plan particularly to ask Seth about any of this tonight; I was angry at myself and not in the mood to delve into anything, actually.

(“I’m doing all right.”)

(Nevertheless, I have laid the projected painting aside, at least for the time being, although I did arrive at what seems to be an acceptable solution to all portions of my personality. At least the pendulum agrees to this. But it is Sunday, May 16, as I write this, and the symptoms are still with me—to a much lesser degree. They are gradually wearing away, in the same way, I suppose, that I will gradually come to reconcile the conflicts I became aware of through this whole episode.

(In the meantime, I told myself I would know how to proceed with painting; the result is that I returned to a small portrait I began several months ago, and left unfinished while I tackled some other problems. With this decision I feel I am back on a kind of track that will lead to more developments; some of these developments may possibly include the kind of painting that triggered the episode; if so, if compatible, all to the good. Whatever happens, much was learned and will be put to use.

They are very beneficial, and issues that should be brought into the open. When they are repressed they gain a charge out of all proportion, to which overreactions can then occur. There is no reason for him to confine himself to psychic books alone, in any case.

I have myself repeatedly urged him to write more poetry. He must of course make his own choice as to the extent to which he wants to commit himself to our work. His feelings in all directions bearing on these issues should be aired, acknowledged, discussed, and then action taken in line with what he discovers.

(“Have we covered all major points in that paper?”)