“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I felt much better while out working Wednesday morning, but the symptoms returned again Wednesday afternoon when I again tackled the project in the studio. I became angry and half disgusted, and began to realize that I would probably have to abandon the painting, since I wasn’t resolving the problems. I was afraid that once the symptoms persisted for another day or so, I would have a cold or some such thing to handle, and that days could be spent clearing it up. I didn’t ask Seth to clear anything. I was also struck by my reaction to the whole development, and couldn’t help comparing my reaction to Jane’s reaction to her own symptoms. I wanted out after a day of unease, but her symptoms had persisted now for several years. I felt intuitively that both sets of symptoms represented doing things that encountered resistance; my own symptoms seemed very instructive in this respect.

(Part of the creed involved Jane’s listing what bothered her—indeed, it would end up covering all essential points in our lives, and I hoped would act as a guide and reminder. I was now beginning to feel that none of us were all powerful, and would have to live within whatever limits and capabilities we could handle. In short, there might be certain things that, even though we could do them, we might better not do, in order to maintain overall balance, health, etc. Which is another way of saying that we could accomplish our ends by perhaps slightly different methods.

(When I began to learn about my own symptoms, I started taking steps whereby I could present the same idea—of a man facing himself—in other ways, and shortly evolved several quite acceptable ways, that were in harmony with my ideas of pictorial form, permanence, etc. This experience was quite revealing. It taught me to consider all portions of the personality—its needs, desires, creative drives and expressions, etc., and I intuitively linked this up with Jane’s problems. It began to seem very clear to me that this was what she must do.

(Elements of the creed would consider whether she should have these sessions, whether they should be public or merely private, whether they should be published now or later, or never, etc. I was, and am, anxious to do anything that will help, and will feel no regrets. Jane has already learned that she doesn’t want to do merely psychic, Seth books, like the Edgar Cayce series, for instance—from her own work on the creed. She wants to, and needs to, do work in which she is her own creator, and goes through the creative process from start to finish consciously, etc. It doesn’t really matter that the Seth material is excellent, etc. What counts is her reaction to it, and the symptoms, as far as I can tell at this time, are all too clear a sign of her reaction to it—at least an important part of her is reacting this way.

(“I’m doing all right.”)

The inner self is permanent regardless of its form of course, and the encounter of a man with himself is primarily an interior one. Do you have questions?

You can accept completely abstract work, and do it well, though you would not be satisfied with it for a great time. (True.) This sort of a painting however, that uses figures or objects, but not in representational form, bothers you, while you are strongly attracted in sketches of the same nature. There is no dilemma: you allow the intuitive self spontaneous expression in those sketches. It is only when you transpose the same ideas onto painting and a more permanent form that you become uneasy.

There will be no problem however as you become aware of these connections. You looked for great order, to create in painting an ordered universe, to find perfection that ideally you felt should be in the exterior world, and yet was lacking. You discovered that order itself springs from spontaneity, and this is your first real attempt to bring the two together. Do you have any questions?

(“What do you think about those discussions Jane and I had earlier in the week, about giving her more freedom?”

The pressure put upon him by himself, and discussed by you, having to do with his own work. The unresolved and partially-buried attitudes that you have written down upon your paper (our creed), and the fact that many of these were so repressed that he would not think about them himself, much less discuss them with you, unless he was driven to it.